uncombed and unruly

a different kind of calm

2007-02-26T12:48:00.000+09:00

03 February 2007

Snake Island, Honda Bay, Palawan

palawan had always been my sanctuary. it's the first place i run to when i'm sick and tired of the circus that is my life. it's there where i clear my thoughts and somewhat re-boot that crazy, curly, contraption that's inside my head. it's there that i always find peace... that most sought after calm. it's not clear why it has been that way. it just always has.

i've always said that sea, sand, and sun can make the bitchiest part of me turn into a mellow emo wretch. but it can't be just any sea, sand, and sun. it has to be in that long stretch of islands southwest of manila.

palawan has always been there for me and had always welcomed me with wide open arms. it's embraced me in ways i didn't even know possible. and for that, i'll always be grateful.

lesbian lovin' and then some

2007-01-29T10:40:00.000+09:00

partying til the wee hours in the morning for two straight days, then bowling sunday night isn't gonna feel as much fun the monday after. my head hurts. my back hurts (this is still from yoga.). and everything else hurts. i can't function normally (when've i ever anyway?) and im feeling all lazy, it hurts.

well of course i had fun. clubbing with cousins and friends... always fun times. clubbing friday night was a bit odd though. jaipur, the fort. not my usual club but what the heck. two men boys asked if they could dance with me. i didn't actually say yes but i guess for them silence means yes. so we danced, wait, can i say i felt really harrassed? gahd. i mean, i'm ok if you dance with me but if you start holding me tight... hold me alil, then that's ok. but holding me tight, that's where i draw the line. i felt really violated. call me prude but damn you, that was just NOT RIGHT. t'was a good thing my cousin marc was there to do the "cock walk" for me. it was disturbing dancing with my cousin but t'was way better than dancing with some random stranger who likes to hold equally random strangers tight. oh gawd, i need to disinfect.

then saturday night with my hs friends at embassy-cuisine. i think i liked it better there than embassy. twas more laid-back. it has your usual alkies, house music, but with more chairs and not really that much people in there. aaaaaaaand... i found my drink. yes ladies and gentlemen, this non-alcoholic-drinks-please-just-water miss, found her martini glass. again, thanks to my alcoholic of a cousin, marc. haha. he ordered midori sour for me and i loved it. no hint of alcohol at all. not in the taste, didn't have a hint of allergy (which i get from vodka cruisers all the time), no trace of it being an alcoholic beverage at all!

it was fun. laid-back fun. of course, no clubbing night would be complete without "lesbian luuurve" from the girlfriends. i think our guy friends, and some random club guys had a field day when they saw five lovely ladies gyrating like there's no tomorrow. i have no problem with that, whatsoever. just don't touch me. you can stare all you want boys, but no touching please! :)

i'm trying to learn this new hip movement gail (angel's cousin) was trying to teach me. she said it would really be hot if i could do it. she got impressed that i can move my hips like that (thank you belly dancing, body jam, and body balance!). i was trying to teach her "my moves" as well. she's gooooooood. got it the first time.

i got home around 5am-ish on those two days. gahd. that was fun. we MIGHT go back again wednesday cos i think they got bitin. it'll be embassy this time and not embassy-cuisine. i liked CUISINE better. still thinking about it if we'll go. we have an early morning flight to palawan on thursday. my partyphile cousin wants to go. we'll see how that goes.

anyway, i think i should go na. this is rather long already, not that i have anything to do after this. pics will be up soon. all the pictures were taken with marc's cam and stupid ass that he is, he left the camera jack in the states. so no posting til feb 15th. bummer, right?

ciao lovelies!

goodbye, crushboy.

2007-01-18T23:29:00.000+09:00

earthlings, hear me.

this is going to be the LAST time i'm gonna talk about "crushboy." yes, i said it's gotta stop and it's gonna stop now. well, after this anyway.

like what i've said, i dunno what got me into him. well, not really "into", but like you know.. ah geez. you know what i mean. i got my answer today. while watching him on his combat class (dance class was next. i told you i'd OGLE.) i noticed something. and yes, i think that's what draws women, not just me by the way, to him.

it's THE dimples.

the almost unnoticeable dimples. it's something you wouldn't know it's there, unless you were looking for it. girly girls only get a glimpse of it every so often but hey, it's there. and it's cute. and i love it. (Note: IT.)

and i got to talk with him today. well, not like heart-to-heart, but yeah... we talked. got his phone number too. nice, right? NOT REALLY. i learned that he has a girlfriend, which, makes him off limits. we know how it feels like falling for somebody, or even just "liking" somebody, who likes somebody else right? not only is it retarded, but it's damn right hurtful too. so yeah. he's off-limits.

and that, too, is the reason why this is going to be the LAST time that i spoke of him. if at anytime you catch me talking about him ever again, please feel free to kick me in the arse. and gimme a conk in the head while you're at it too.

goodbye, crushboy. i hope you have a good life.
(yeah, like i'm not gonna see you ever again. pfft.)

this is stupid.

whuuuuuuuuuuut?!

2007-01-18T19:08:00.000+09:00

hello earthlings.

im updating at the gym, again, while waiting for my hiphop class at 6:25. internet terminal's empty so i thought, why not. right?

i got in 5:30, dressed up, and went straight to the clients' lounge. i knew crushboy had an earlier class so i just thought i'd ogle. yes, earthlings. OGLE.

so i was looking inside the studio looking for that familiar hair, and that not-so-cute-face (but adorable still anyway.) i can't find it. no one on the stage? then the mob moved i saw that familiar face but aaaaaaack!

CRUSHBOY HAD A HAIRCUT!

what the hell?!

i told you this crush is retarded. and so does he. well, he at least looks like one. ack.

what the hell is happening?!

yiiiiiiiiiii.

2007-01-18T00:12:00.000+09:00

i got home around 10 and feasted on liempo and lechon manok! then binged on chocolate. twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix! so much for that gym/diet thing!

dance class was... just WONDERFUL. saw him earlier (see my previous email) and got to stare for a long time. boy crazy, am i not? wait. scratch that. dancing boy crazy, oh yes, that's what i am. hehe. come to think of it, it's really retarded. i don't even like how the boy looks like. i just wanna see him dancing. and that move he does when he sees everyone's getting really tired. what a turn on! haha.

the cousins want to watch "Rob-B-hood" tomorrow. BUUUUUUUUT... there's hiphop class tomorrow. i can't pass that up. I WON'T. just suggested that we watch on friday. i hope that works. they actually wanted to see two movies. so, no gym on friday. that's ok. i think. he's not there so... haha. oh gawd. I. AM. SUCH. A. RETARD.

mmkay, im'a start shutting up now. and i need my beauty sleep. geez. i just hope this puyat/pagod/trying to diet (at least) thing works. im not wasting moolah on stuff that wont work anyway.

gay love. when will it stop?

2007-01-11T10:41:00.000+09:00

i'm straight.

so i got my fat ass back to the gym and had been taking dance classes. i dunno if it's working, i wouldnt know for sure yet since i'm just in my 3rd week. it's been fun. no, scratch that. it's been HELLA fun. like what the gym credo says, "motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going." and hell yeah, when i say it's starting to become a habit. i look forward to dance class every freakin' day and it's starting to get scary. haha.

at first i though i wouldn't like it, i mean sure, for the first week i'd be excited. but that's as far as my relationship with gym goes. excited the first week, then not really interested the next. but this, whoa boy, excited every freakin' day. i like that i get my dose of booty shakin' without having to go to clubs or events, and oh yeah, the pretty boys too. pretty boys who can dance. pretty boys who can REALLY dance. i have cute dance instructors, what can i say?!

so i like this one guy and had been looking forward to his classes (hiphop groove, anyone? :D). but then yesterday, the Almighty sent me more blessings! 'twas the launching of the new remixes and instructors from all over the place were there. more dancing pretty boys for excited lil booty-shakin' addicts like me. and one boy caught my eye. aside from the first boy, yes. he was there too. more eye candies! anyway, he was wearing this green (talk about destiny! lol. babaw.) jersey and at first i was like, "another hihop-er. pfft." but then the music started and he started moving and im like, "wow." with matching mouth dropping ha. hahaha. yeah, im pathetic like that.

it was all high intensity. we had songs from sexy back to london bridge to those new pop/hiphop songs that you can dance to. they interact with the clients which made it more fun and made it look more like a club than gym class. so to make the long story short, cute boy #2 danced with me. *kilig* i told you im pathetic like that. hahaha.

so after class, i took my shower and then waited outside the lockers for my friend. and waddayaknow, cute boy was there talking to somebody on his mobile phone. so i took a seat on the bench, pretended not to care, but getting kilig on the inside anyway. there i was, minding my own business when he came up to me and asked, " ma'am did you enjoy the class?" and boy, can you just imagine the look on my face? giddy and smiling and ahhhh... pure geekiness. :)) of course i din't want him thinking i'm a ditz so i smiled and quickly replied, "yes, very." to which, i really wanted to say, "you're cute. wanna date?" lol. im kidding. and then he said, " that's good. i hope to see you in the next class. btw, i'm raven." and me goes, "that's for sure. i'm claude" and he reached out his hand for a handshake. i could just die right there and then. hahaha. my gehd. sobrang babaw.

but then it hit me. i was listening, okay eavesdropping, while he was on the phone. the way he talked he sounded like he was a cross between conyo-sounding kids to malandi. and yes, bordering on gay. GAH. and y'all know i have this unspoken relationship with gay people. yes people, i have a certain affinity to them. not that it's a bad thing. i mean, i'm not saying he's gay but what are the chances? my gehd. would we still be gay if we ended up together? ahahaha. sobrang advance. labo.

i'm just in the first month of the year and i'm already like this. WHAT THE HELL?!

inane and inSane thoughts on christmas eve

2006-12-24T20:35:00.000+09:00

it's 15 minutes before 8, christmas eve day, i've just had dinner (a cup of instant la paz batchoy!), and it started to dawn on me that i have much too many inane thoughts that i have to write it up on my blog.

let's start it off with simbang gabi. i have completed all the dawn masses, (oh yes, all nine mornings! no anticipated masses for me.) eversince i started three years ago. and i almost did not complete this year's cos i kindov wore myself out yesterday and overslept. good thing i woke up just a few minutes before 5 and was able to reach the mass. can you just imagine me almost crying when i woke up and saw the time? my dad was beside me and he just said, "hindi, tumunog alarm mo eh." and i go, "uy, casual na casual lang ah. kainis naman. sana ginising ako di ba?" while stopping myself from crying (all in my head, of course). my gehd. totally juvenile. :))

and yeah, i started gym yesterday. i was thinking about it for months now. usually, i dont give gym much thought and i just enrol myself. but this one needed alot of thinking. y'all know that i don't earn much and expenses more than Php 1,000 is too much for me. but then i saw myself in the mirror and told myself that i have to do this. well, you know how my head works so it's more of, "do this or die!". with "DIE" still echoing in the background until it fades. i gained back the weight i've lost for over two years. no thanks to this year's uber sedentary lifestyle. so yeah. now i'm obliged to pay Php 2,500 smackers for gym every month, for 12 months. there goes saving up.

then there's the REVELATION. up until now, i dunno how i'm taking it. as of now, i'm ok with it. still in denial, i guess. not to mention that i feel that it hasn't really sunk in yet. of course i'm worried but hey, there's really nothing that i can do, is there? we're leaving it all up to the Lord. i know He knows that we can pass through this. just a bump in the road, that's what i always say.

it's half past 8 and i have to go. i still need to wrap my uncle's present for his wife. kamusta naman. ako talaga pinag-wrap. hrmf. but what the heck, i'll just say it's MY gift to her. hehehe. sabihin ko "sa akin galing." ako naman talaga nagbigay di ba? ako nag-abot. 'di nga lang ako bumili. hehehe.

so before i forget.......

A Blessed Christmakkah to Everyone! :D

yay for my 1st self-financed out-of-the-country trip! Day 1.

2006-10-27T11:54:00.000+09:00

we left gray, moldy manila tonight. of course, there were a few glitches (gawddarn you cebu pacific!) but yeah we successfully made it to beautiful HK.

everything happens for a reason, right? see, we bought our tickets early july. shiyyeeah, we were THAT excited. and as soon as we got our turn to the check-in counter, cebu pacific lady says... "we only have 3 seats left. oh wait.. no. there are no more seats left." my jaw just dropped and my blood pressure spiked up. rach and i got seats but the thing is, jeff and joanne (we will be staying at joanne's family's flat) who are next to us in line aren't checked in yet. there were about four more people in our line and about three more on the line beside us. we looked for the supervisor and asked what chances we have that we'd leave that night. eh siyempre naiinis na ako cos im really psyched for this trip tapos ganun lang?!

after much "it's not our fault that you overbooked your flight! this is stupid.'s" supervisor in rent-a-crappy-suit suit (hey, it really is crappy. two sizes big for him. REALLY.) says, "we'll try to get you in the cathay pacific flight. it leaves 8:30pm." jeff immediately says, "brod, make sure that you get us four in that flight. our friends are already checked in your flight but are willing to give it up if you can assure us that we'd get to the next flight out." sabay bulong, "ayos dun sa cathay. full meal at may tv pa. eh sa cebu we'd be lucky if we even get cold sandwiches."

so antay-antay and the next thing we know, we're lining up for the cathay flight. yay for cebu pacific's inefficiency, yay! hahahaha.

the two hours on the plane was a blur, which is a good thing since im pretty psyched/excited and im usually irritable and impatient when im like that. i have managed to stop myself from asking rach "are we there yet?" 10945735862395602160 times. that would've been really fun though. :)) watched CSI during the flight and filled myself up with plane food (afritada with rice, calamansi juice, fruit salad consisting of dragonfruit, apples, and watermelon, and bread and butter).

CAMWHORE AND HER CAREBEAR ON BOARD!

after two hours, we landed in HK. kamusta naman at nilampaso ng HK airport ang NAIA?! train inside the airport? hello. if i'd gone there by myself, i swear i would've gotten lost. the airport was soooo big, it's a whole city in itself. super linis, and super spacious. i think even mr. monk would live there.

AIRPORT PICTURES! SO KAMUSTA NAMAN ANG NAIA?!

joanne's parentals picked us up at the airport. funny bunch, they are! eto pa ang funny, while walking out, i saw oliver's super sandwiches and gasped. hahaha. kala tuloy nila kung napano ako. heyyyy, i havent been to oliver's in ages. so don't blame me. :P

TITA ELNA aka "TITA WINNER" AND TITO JOSE aka "TITO LOVE" CHITONGCO

tapos when we got outside, they pointed to something and said, "that's what we're riding."

DOUBLE-DECKER BUSES! WE RODE BUS E34. ROUTE HEADS TO YUEN LONG, NEW TERRITORY,WHICH IS GOING TO BE OUR HOME FOR THE NEXT FIVE FUN DAYS!

Ahahahaha. ang kulet di ba? sobrang na-excite ako. and while lining up for the bus, jeff blurted out, "ang lakas pala ng appeal mo sa americans 'no? sa naia pa lang iba na tingin sa yo ng kano na nagpapa-shoeshine eh. sunod talaga ng tingin eh. tapos nung boarding, ung kano na nasa harap natin tingin ng tingin sa 'yo. as in lumilingon pa sa likod." and i go, "so what are you saying? mukha akong katulong?! di ba ganun mga trip nun?" (i sure hope not to get hate mail for that dialogue. eh totoo naman di ba? the more probinsyana the look, the more appealing to them. :)) )

about 30 minutes of gasping, and getting amazed by buildings (oh yeah im a big FOB! loud and proud, baby!) and skylines, we reached joanne's place. it's a typical HK flat. they said it's actually bigger than normal (two bathrooms, three bedroom). and what's fun about it, below the condominiums is a mall. how more amazing can that get?! hahaha.

rach and i are roomies. jeff stayed in the other room. and joanne stayed with her parentals. i love our room! a room with a view ika nga. goodness. sana lang i really had a room like this. lookie!

THE VIEW FROM "OUR" ROOM. CAMWHORE AND CAREBEAR ARE AT IT AGAIN!

so yeah, that was the ballpark of my first night in HK.

*******

eto na..

eto na...

eto na haaaa....

updated 10nov06.

the glory years are back!

2006-10-03T10:02:00.000+09:00

We CAME...

We GROWLED....

We CONQUERED.

VIVA LA LIGA DE TOMASINO!

*******
i have never been SO PROUD.

and i thought... sigh

2006-09-14T13:19:00.000+09:00

FALSE ALARM.

gawddarnnit!

why must i do THIS to myself?! this is just so SAD. Gah.

*******
somebody SAVE ME. :(

what the hell?!

2006-09-13T12:19:00.000+09:00

andun ka na pero di ka pa rin tumuloy?!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

uhm, teka teka teka....

why were you there in the first place?!

is that, like, a random thing or did you really plan to go there? pre-meditated perhaps? uuuuuuy....

*******
hold on tight.
HERE WE GO AGAIN!

2006-09-13T09:39:00.000+09:00

i am the kind of girl who wears her heart on her sleeves....

i have a history of taking off my shirt.

a rollercoaster ride

2006-08-06T23:44:00.000+09:00

if you are what you eat... then am i a WINTER WHITE CHOCOLATE with CHOCMALLOWS & CHOCNUT? : P~~~

Cold Rock is God's gift to mankind! And yes, it takes away all the pain you're feelin'. At least for the 15 minutes you're eating your brim-filled cup. :D

----------

it's been a crazy week! weird concerts. long-lost batchmates. manny pacquiao. manny pacquiao the singer. (ahahahahaha! don't EVEN get me started!) guilt trips. broken cars. jumpstarts.

Yes, God loves me and I know it.

---------

boytoy, NEVER again. i promise. soweeeee.

:D

---------

and you... you've rejected me for the nth time. i should get sad but im too tired. so yeah. whatever.

backslides, anyone?

2006-07-27T09:42:00.000+09:00

"Just because my eyes don't tear doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry. and just because i come out strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. often, i choose to pretend i'm happy so i don't have to explain myself to people who would never even understand. Smiling has always been easier than explaining why i'm sad..."

:(

it.
just.
hit.
HOME.

2006-07-22T04:12:00.000+09:00

i've been in love
a time or two
i've seen the world
when i'm with you
i wanna fly
and spread my wings
i don't wanna cry
i wanna sing...
i want to live
and take a chance
I'M NOT AFRAID
TO LOVE AGAIN...
i wanna fall
fall for you...
AND I WANT YOU
TO FALL FOR ME TOO...

*******

pathetic song, ain't it. ultimate cheese. but it just stuck. and yes, i really wanted you to fall for me too.

i went out so i could forget. i went out cos i wanted to get distracted. it did, at some point. but everything just reminds me of you. it's a conspiracy. the video playing on the monitor when we got in. the k-hon. the vocalist... for a moment there i thought he was you.

the past week had just been my worst. you know the calm before the storm? that was two weeks ago. and now im in the eye of the tornado and there's no way out. how i got into this situation, is totally my fault.

it would've been really easier if you were a jerkwad, an asscrack, or if i just plain hate your guts. but no. you had to be the nicest boy, the cutest one at that... the good son... the ever reliable friend. it's not your fault that i had to like you. you prolly don't even have the slightest idea that i do.

i've always hated, nay, despised this feeling. cos everytime i feel this way, i know pain's next... that's for sure. but i still gave in. yeah. stupid me gave in.

in my attempt to cover up how im feeling, it made me more sad and mad at myself for even thinking of trying. now i'm screwed and there's no turning back.

woe is me.

:( :( :(

and it's confirmed....

2006-07-21T18:45:00.000+09:00

broken more than ever.

it hurts. it hurts like hell and there's nothing i can do. that makes it even more hurtful. it's bound to happen anyway. i knew it from the start. can you blame me for trying though?

:(

to hell and back...

2006-07-19T12:51:00.000+09:00

had i known that it would be THIS painful, i wouldn'tve gone and tried to know you. not even as friends.

i haven't felt like this since that dreadful, stormy, july-tuesday. devastated. crushed. helpless. it's like pseudo-boyfriend all over again, only, worse.

i knew it was wrong to get out of the wall i so tirelessly built and get into the world again. i was ok. i was doing great... UNTIL you came along. i went out, hesitantly, of course. you were there right outside. you were nice, it was nice, and everything else was nice, and i never thought life could get any sweeter.

it wasn't.

it was still the cruel, sick, sad world i tried to turn my back from. you love and you love and you love and you love (in this case, you like and like and like and TRY to be nice) but you still beget hatred. it's cruel. it's mad. it's heartless.

i'll go get inside my wall again. build it much higher if i can. cos this thing, right here... i can take no more of this.

*******
this'll NEVER get better.

now my fairy tale's ended.

2006-07-18T13:45:00.000+09:00

yes, it ended even before it had really started. i knew i'm bound for disappointment but i still went for it. yes, im STUPID and somebody should kick me in the ass. HARD.

nobody believed me. i knew it was nothing but everyone thinks im just in denial or something. but i'm not. "it" was NOTHING.

everything just blew up in my face.

and i'm crushed. :(

i need a hug. :( :( :(

hs reunion

2006-05-31T21:09:00.000+09:00

this was taken earlier in the evening. taken at nipa hut, ortigas.

hs reunion

2006-05-31T20:59:00.000+09:00

this was taken later in the night. this is in nipa hut, still.

perpetually recovering from the night before....

2006-05-27T21:38:00.000+09:00

THAT. WAS. THE. FUNNEST. NIGHT. EVER.

SERIOUSLY.

i went there a skeptic and went home a changed woman. i never thought i'd ever have that much fun. at least, not with the same set of people that i think doesn't even care if i existed. guess i was wrong.

eventhough barely 30 of us came (from a group of more than 200) that was more than enough to have MAJOR fun. at the end of the day, with only 10 of us left, we bid goodbyes with hugs, kisses and smiles on our faces and renewed friendships in our hearts.

first stop was nipa hut, ortigas. it was fun, yeah. seeing familiar faces, exchanging hi's and hello's even if we barely knew some of our batchmates' names. i never thought i'd say this, but something in it was calming.

after downing a few buckets of beer (excluding me, of course. everyone knows i don't drink. im boring like that. sue me.), the 13 of us left decided that we all didn't wanna go home just yet and we'll just transfer cos nipa hut's already closing. it was 1:30 am.second stop was the fort. pier one to be exact. somebody suggested embassy but then not everyone had the budget for it. for the working people, that's ok but there were still some of us who were still studying or just graduated and are bums. so yeah. pier one it is. 6 cars. 13 people. how crazy can that get? VERY.

we planned on going there on a convoy. yep. the convoy that never was. first should've been sam but after nipa hut we never saw him again, or his beemer, until pier one. my hs friends are crazy drivers! 3 cars were left, i was in one. and those 3 cars, not really a perfect combination. nobody was really sure of how to get to the fort from ortigas but yeah. we found it.

13 crazy people, 12 of which with alcohols in their systems, and one just plain deranged (ehem..ehem.). we made a really boisterous bunch! and an ecclectic mix, at that. the class president (slash school hearthrob), the CAT officers, the class clown, the prettiest girl, the outcast, and a few commoners (ehem.). how more weird can that get? never in my wildest dreams have i ever imagined that this group of people would be in one long table, talking, laughing, bonding. pier one was where the real fun started.

it was here that we really bonded. talked. one group, a million things to talk about. and boy did we talk about it all! anything and everything. old flames (to sam, "kamusta naman si rosette?"), teachers, events, issues...you name it, we talked about it. one of us to dwight and raison..."sir, ano ba talaga ibig sabihin ng sabay-sabaw?" follow-up question, "eh sir, yung pusang allowance?" every funny moment ends in a toast with somebody singing happy birthday in the background. hahaha. crazy. pero eto ang winner, elizalde goes, "eto ung naaalala ko talaga. nung cheering nung elementary nagtuturo si ms. taruc. sabi nya, "pag kumanta kayo, dapat may feelings. ganito. ---- in his best impersonation of ms. taruc--- ooh..chinggawa... ooh-ooh chingga-chinggawa!" ahahahaha. my goodness! elementary pa yun! the chants were really funny though. never really meant anything but that time we thought it was.... something. hehehe.

after a few more hours, a case and a half of beer downed (a glass of iced tea for me. :P) i thought that'd be the end. oh boy was i wrong! sam invited people still to formula in tomas morato for one last round of alkies. everyone was game, well not really everyone--three had to go, but the 10 people left headed off to formula. twas 4:00am.

formula was....i can't even explain it. by then i was wasted. the light effects didn't help at all. but hey, it was fun still. a bottle of tequila, a few more beers, a few more cocktails, half-naked women.... can you imagine how fun that was for the guys? it would've been for me too, if i WAS a lesbo. hahaha. by the time we all decided to get home, the sun was already high in all its sunshiny glory.

got home 6:30 in the morning.

i still remember the days when we all of us still donned our uniforms, just chilling under the trees or the side of the canteen or gym, worrying about modules and achievement tests. but things are different now. heck, it was a surprise that almost everyone's wearing polo's (the guys at least.) giving the oh-my-gahd-we're-old-and-working-wth?! atmosphere. im glad that even after seven freakin' long years we still haven't lost that special bond. definitely worth the wait.

emo much?

so to kate, chris, dwight, angel, alex, dabu, dingdong, elizalde, irineo, raison, alec, and sam:i'm not sure if any of you guys would get to read this but i just wanna thank, thank, THANK you for that fantabulous evening ('til morn? :P). the most fun i've had in years. we SHOULD do that more often.

*******
you just made me want you even more.

2006-05-08T10:09:00.000+09:00

i'm already selling myself short and you still ain't buying.

is it too much to ask for you to at least consider me as a human being?

*******
put me in the defects bin, along with the dented can of tuna and that crummy cheap-o bag, and i bet i'll feel just right at home. :(

2006-05-06T22:53:00.000+09:00

it's ok. i get it. i can get a clue. it just hurts that you have to slap it right smack on my face.

telling me subtle-ly (is that even a word?) could've done it. it will hurt bad but at least i've heard it from you and i won't have to second-guess. but leaving me without anything to hold on to, or at least words to know for sure what you feel and leaving me hanging, that just puts me to the lowest of the low. it's sad that you think i don't deserve at least a teeny tiny bit of your time. i'd like to think that you're not like everyone else and that i've found a really wonderful friend in you but this thing that's happening right here, just negates everything.

it's sad. it's making me really sad. and it just makes it more obvious that i'm living a sad life. i can't even keep a friend. :(

*******
i'll be fine.
it's not the first.
just like last time...
BUT A LITTLE WORSE. :(

2006-05-04T15:31:00.000+09:00

and i thought YOU were something else.

geeez.

*******
come on.
MAKE MY DAY.

just a thought....

2006-05-01T17:33:00.000+09:00

are guys really THAT insensitive or are YOU just indifferent?

come back, please?

2006-03-23T10:37:00.000+09:00

waking up without that wonderfully irritating lick on my face, or the gentle yapping on the door, or even accidentally stepping on dog piss (or crap) early in the morning just makes zippo's absence more felt than ever. it was hard for me to see my sister so sad over our loss but it's doubly hard that for me i cannot do anything to make her feel better. i, myself, tried really hard not to cry in front of her when i got home yesterday.

it was a shock when she texted me that zippo died. crying, even if i really wanted to, wasn't an option. i was at the BFAD yesterday and i didn't want my friends to think that i get crazy over some trivial things. but you see, losing our lil soft paws isn't trivial, nor is it shallow. i have never loved a dog, or any other pet for that matter, as much as i did ZIPPO. i was crushed, to say the least.

just yesterday morning, i said goodbye to him like i always do and he gave me his usual nod. i didn't imagine that it'll be the last time that i'll be seeing him alive and breathing. if i knew he would be going then i should've stayed a lil longer to play or cuddle with him. but i can't do that anymore, can i?

and i dunno if it's anything but my sister said when she came looking for him, she found him inside my room. INSIDE MY ROOM. what was he doing in my room? was he looking for me? was he trying to look for me to say that he needs something? you may think that im making a big fuss that he chose to lay to rest inside my room but you see, he NEVER goes in there when im not around. i tried making him go inside countless times but he wont unless he sees me inside first. so why is he in there?

the first time in years that i let myself out and love again... and he leaves me just like everybody else.

i miss you, ZIPPO. come back, please? :(

no more YOU... :(

2006-03-22T23:47:00.000+09:00

no more early morning licks on my face.

no more cute lil scratches on my door.

no more poo on the bed

no more piss on my bedroom floor.

no more ass wiping and hot baths.

no more late night bottle-feeding,

no more picking up after you.

no more "come here, baby"

no more "stop it!" or "get out of there!"

no more running around the room.

no more hugs.

and no more cuddling.

and worse....

no more YOU.

i hope you're having the grandest time up there in dog heaven our dear, lil soft paws. we love you and we'll definitely miss you. :(

and just in case you see them around, please lick cookie, puto, and puti's faces for us. :( :( :(

*******
in memoriam
ZIPPO
02 February 2006 - 22 March 2006

and because i haven't posted in a gazillion years....

2006-03-18T00:54:00.000+09:00

........ feeektyuuuuuurs!!!! ^____^

<------------- this uber cute, furry, lil thing is ZIPPO. he is my sister's lil puppy. a product of shih tzu and lhasa apso breeds, i reckon he'll grow up into one helluva hairy mongrel. shiyeaaah!

adorable, really. he loffs lying down like
that. he likes it better if you spin him. yep. spin him like you do with a bottle during spin-a-bottle game. cruel, you think? he loffs it. LOVES IT. <3

this is me and my sister going camwhore craaaazyyyyy!!!!! (note: me's trying hard to make a hand-heart.)

imaginary rollercoasters are fun! ^__^ look mum, no hands!!!!

2006-03-01T13:06:00.000+09:00

we can't really be friends anymore, can we?

i may have let YOU go, the idea of "us" together, go. but NEVER had i given up hope that maybe someday, SOMEDAY, we could be friends again. i've never given up on hoping that someday we could go about the things like we used to. that we could see and talk with each other like we used to. that someday, we could have a conversation that would not leave any of us hurt, or leaving both of us more hurt, than what we already feel. i had NEVER given up for the sole reason that we were, more than anything else, good friends before everything started to crumble.

every meeting, every conversation pulls us down and breaks us even more. everytime i see you, i end up more broken than i already am and this time, it's just not worth the pain. there's just no reason, no point, and no sense to hold on anymore.

the conversation saturday morning just slapped me with a bitter dose of reality. and it's true when they said that the truth hurts. some things should've been left unsaid, unspoken for.

things that i hold really dear to me, events that (supposed to be) would be forever etched in my heart, memories that have made me who i am now, alot of them include you. it would be consolation enough that you'd remember all the important things that we've done. or at least those that had made a mark and touched us in ways that we didn't even know possible. but no, for you they're nothing but nonsensical emotional farts that's good for nothing else but for the exact moment it were happening.

don't blame premature senility for it. premature senility doesn't cut it anymore. saying you tend to forget things alot isn't an allowable excuse either. please cut the cutie-college-boy excuses. it just isn't making any sense.

the brain forgets but the heart doesn't.

referring to it as "vague" moments, the reason why you can't remember them, felt like a slash of a knife down my already bleeding heart. vague?!

thank the Lord that i'm sane enough not to kill myself after writing a letter blaming YOU for it.

it hurts alot to know that we could never be anything more than what we are now... just a bunch of has-beens, ex-es, or whatever you may wanna call it. and as much as i want to keep on hoping, on holding on, on wishing that someday we could just look back and laugh at how silly these things or us were, i don't think it's possible anymore. there are no looking back, no reminiscing, no more memories.

i am saying good-bye. to the memories, to the friendship, to YOU.i hope you have a good life.

*******
i tried.
HARD.

husky boys are <3.

2006-02-24T22:42:00.000+09:00

REX "sexy rexy" NAVARRETE is <3.

and to think i almost missed this show. aaaack!

he made me laugh so hard, it felt like i've laughed my guts all over the place.

i went home from work feeling like a loser, with matching "L" marked on my forehead, cos i know i'll be missing one heck of a show. when i got home, i ate a lil, sat by the sofa and just stared at the ceiling. then the clouds opened up, handed me the phone and dial-a-friend i go.

me: hey, you.
Hunky Daddy: hey, claude.
me: uhm, you still sleeping?
HD: uhm, yeah. but it's ok.
me: i told ate not to wake you up. grrr.
HD: it's ok. what's up?
me: i wanna see rex navarrete.
HD: me too!
me: let's watch!
HD: isn't the ticket like, 500 bucks? meron pa ba?
me: (excited) hey, i'll get back at you. i'll just call sm cinema and check.

a few minutes later......

me: get dressed NOW!!!!!
HD: huh?!
me: tickets are still available. i'm running there now so i could get tickets before they run out. i'm just gonna change clothes then i'm going.
HD: now? ang aga pa.
me: it's 5:30. we might run outta tickets!!!! tumayo ka na jan and get dressed! come on! so that we'll have time to have dinner pa.
HD: ok.

it pays to have friends who are as equally weird as you are. having the same quirks have its benefits to ya know. if it weren't for that, i would've missed this one. and i could've slashed my wrists out of boredom if i hadn't gone.

i don't care if it had costed me 500 smackers for a 2-hour show. it's a small price to pay for the amount of stress it had relieved, believe me. not to mention that that includes a 300-peso audio cd, popcorn, and soda. so that means i basically paid a hundred bucks for the show. it's just sooo worth it.

laughing, hard at that, for two straight hours does your body wonders. it did me.

*******
we can pack anything.
you bring it here, we'll pack it.
we can even pack it in front of you.

the hardest animal to pack is the fighting rooster.
in the philippines, we call it the fighting "cock"
it's difficult to pack a fighting cock.

sometimes, we are so busy,
there are sheets everywhere.
so i always tell my workers,
pack that sheet!
you pack that sheet!

nothing gets packed without my knowledge.

anything you say to me TAKES ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE...

2006-02-22T09:49:00.000+09:00

you know you're getting old when radio starts to play the songs you know, love, and have memorized by heart on days when they play OLD songs.

for most stations, it's wednesdays. for others i think, friday. so there i was at the back of the van half asleep earphones to my, uh, ears when rx started to play "rollin'" by limp bizkit. i thought to myself, it's a wednesday why the hell are they playing THIS song when they're supposed to be playing OLD songs???

and then it hit me.

rollin' is AN old song. it was new when i was in college. fred durst was famous when i was in college. (i dunno about now, i havent heard anything about him in ages.) limp bizkit kicked major rock ass when i was in college. WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE. darn. and like adding insult to injury, they played "one step closer " by linkin park after. wuuuuuuuut?!

i keep forgetting that i'm almost 23, out of college, and already working. i keep forgetting that i no longer ask for moolah from the 'rents (although sometimes i do when i could still mooch something from them. yeah. that's bad. BITE ME. :P) and anything happening to me now isn't necessarily influenced or decided by mum and dad.

sigh.

why don't i feel like i've grown then? 22. darn. i feel like im stuck at 13. still clueless about alot of things and going about stuff on my own isn't helping at all. i don't feel i've matured in any way, much less grown indepedent. it may look like i am, but seriously, I'M FREAKIN' NOT.

*******
i have A SHITLOAD of issues you can't even imagine.
SERIOUSLY.

2006-02-22T09:12:00.000+09:00

I watch how the moon
sits in the sky in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesn't give light to the moon
assuming the moon’s going to owe it one

It makes me think of how you act to me
You do favors and then rapidly
You just turn around
and start asking me about things
you want back from me

I'm sick of the tension
sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don’t understand
(You’ll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Maybe someday
I’ll be just like you
and step on people like you do
and run away the people
I thought I knew

I remember back then who you were
YOU used to be calm
used to be strong
Used to be generous
but you should’ve known
that you’d wear out your welcome
now you see how quiet it is
ALL ALONE

YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME
GO AWAY.

Shut up.

2006-02-21T12:35:00.000+09:00

I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing

YOU were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs

So sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

2006-02-19T12:45:00.000+09:00

"you deserve everything that i have given you. and maybe even more, that's why i'm giving you more. 'cos if i don't, you may never know how much you mean to me."

- September 11, 2001

5 years. it's been five years since you sent that to me. the sweetest, most thoughtful words ever said to me. it made me feel 40 kinds of joy and love, that message. i believe i had the best sleep, that night.

but it was WRONG. something in those words was wrong. the manner it was said? the "level" of love we were in when those words were said? (level of love... if there's such a thing) no. that's not it. it shouldnt've been said in the first place. you shouldnt've said it to me in the first place.

you & me. US. it never happened. there was never an "us." we were never "together." it may have felt, and to other people, it may have looked liked it, but "us" never happened. NEVER.

the dates, the conversations, the time we spent with each other. each time we held hands, each emotion i felt, the moments, even the arguments... i remember them all. each and every one of them.

was it really loved that we felt? the perfect love for the perfect couple but in the wrong time? or did we just made ourselves believe that we were in love when in fact, we weren't? OR did I make myself believe that you were in love with me but really, you weren't? maybe i knew. maybe i did. but i was just to stubborn to believe it. besides, it'd be much too painful, much too hurtful that's why i refused to believe it. maybe you knew about it too. i don't know. i will never know.

it's been years. almost 3 since we decided to "part ways", or rather, when i decided to let go. i should have gotten over it by now. but i haven't. forget about it, they all say. but can one really forget something that had made you feel cared for, loved, and happy in a million different ways? i know i can't. i tried, REAL HARD, but obviously didn't succeed.

i should let go. you, i did a long time ago. you gave up on me. i promised i would never, ever let you go. "i will never let you go. i will never let "us" go. not now, not later, not ever," i remember i'd always say to assure you that im going nowhere. and if i remember it right, you did too. but you gave up. i lost. and the only right thing to do then was to break my promise and do the thing that for me is even worse than committing suicide. letting you go was the hardest thing i ever had to do my entire life.

i really should let it go. this feeling... it's this feeling, this longing to be loved again, to be in that same position again, i should let it go.

******
it doesn't mean anything
without you here with me
cos after all is said and done
i still need you here with me...

work with me people!

2006-02-15T10:32:00.000+09:00

this Cebu thing's getting frustrating by the minute. i didn't think doing the reservations and whatnots would take a whole hell lot of my time. not to mention running up my phone bill.

i've called room reservations at the Waterfront five freaking times and i can't get in. gahd. plus i had to call PPhA Cebu for the booking confirmation and my other inquiries but yeah, since they're not at all prepared with my questions, i had to call Waterfront myself. argh. and did i say i can't freakin' get in???

apparently, the room rate that i got would not be extended on the 18th. (special rates for convention participants) so that means i have to pay for 4000 smackers for one night. well, i could get that from my funds, but darn. it's stupid since everyone's coming in on the 18th, im sure. so why not add that as well?

and the issue about the bathroom. website says the room i got either gets a a tub or a shower. i wanna get a freakin' room with a freakin' tub! but they can't assure me that, can they? all they freakin' hafta do is tell room reservation that i wanted a tub with mine. what the hell's hard with doing that? site says that's all you need to do to get it anyway.

the reason i'm booking stuff up early is so that i would get everything i want with no fuss. and this is what i'm getting. what the hell?!

im upset and noone/nothing's gonna make it any better. GAH.

*******
you say, i only hear what i want to.
so i do.
sue me.

could this day get any worse?

2006-02-13T15:17:00.000+09:00

and to think i was almost excited to go to work.

i got to work early cos i know i have lotsa things i need to get done. deadlines are looming and i promised myself i would finish everything by today so that if i have any problem with my submissions tomorrow, i'd still have time to rectify it WITHOUT having to cram like a confused pig just like what happened about two weeks ago.

so there i was, almost prancing down the street, then when i got to the building... BAM! steel door's still locked. steel door which i DO NOT have a key of. so i asked the guys from the other unit and this is what they said, "walang pasok ngayon, hija. hindi mo ba alam? declared holiday kaya wala pa yung mga tao sa second floor. PARANAQUE DAY." me: "huh?! taga-Quezon City po ako eh." *katoinks self*

that was when my mouth just dropped to the floor, my almost-im-happy-to-be-at-work attitude went down the drain. just like that. good thing the katiwala came a few minutes later and went to the building owner's place to get the keys.

so i went in, hoping things'll get better. man, was i wrong. the fax i was expecting, haven't received it yet. oh, yeah. this is STILL regarding the whole reservation thing. so i called cebu, AGAIN, to check and the secretary said that she was about to send me her reply. this was about 10 AM. not knowing what else to ask, i said thank you and hung up.
i went to do my stuff, which took me almost the whole day, thankyouverymuch. and then about 1 PM, phone rings and guess what... it's the reply from CEBU which she said she was just "about to send" mmkay. 3 hours. to tired to argue, clicked on the receive button, and read it. to think i swore to myself id get this reservation thing done by today. well, that obviously DID NOT happen.

i think the organizer just gave up on me and told me to coordinate directly with the hotel, instead. to think that they did not allow this before. participants have to book their rooms with the association to get the discounted price. and the wretch wins again! so, hoping to get to talk with the contact person written on the fax message i called CEBU, again, and as always, failed to talk with the person i need to. room reservation was quite accomodating though. seeing as they took note of my concerns and "promised" to forward it to the person i was looking for. they said they'd just get back to as soon as my reservation's confirmed. when's that? didja really hafta ask that?!

anyway, i figured since i'm not gonna get the reservation anytime soon, i'll go and pay for the convention registration first. i looked at my watch and saw it's almost three, so i rushed to get my things and out the office i go. the bank is a good 4 blocks from the office and i figured, if i walked as fast as i could, i could get to the bank on time. i was actually hoping id see a tricycle as soon as i get out since that would bring me there faster but alas, no tricycle in sight. waiting for one isn't an option seeing i barely have time.

there i was, almost running but trying really hard not to (cos if i did, id look really really really stupid). then one block before the bank it hit me. NO OFFICE. HOLIDAY. NO BANK. argh. i ALMOST hit myself after i realized that. GAH. so yeah. not ms. lucky today, am i?
so here i am now, ranting my guts out cos if i don't, i'll end up ripping the face off anybody that'd cross my path. morbid, you think? it's possible. believe me.

*******
so yeah.
that thing up there's kinda long.
bite me.

toxicity reigns in the city of the dumb and dumber...

2006-02-09T12:11:00.000+09:00

things aren't getting done as planned/scheduled and it irks me like when an ant bites your tushie and you have coffee on your right hand, a sub on the right, file folders squished in between your pits while crossing the road and it itches like heck and you can do nothing about it. GAH. things NOT going my way IS getting old. man! i don't understand it. i should be used to it by now but my goodness, you can't really get used to something as irritating as that.

reservations for cebu? STILL NOT DONE. i'd called cebu this morning (2nd day, and still counting!) and the freakin' girl haven't even opened my email that i've sent TUESDAY. and it's almost FRIDAY.

WHAT
THE
HELL
IS
UP
WITH
THAT?!
UGH.

she said she'll get back to me about it as soon as she could. uh, when? NO IDEA. geeeeeez. she's getting to my nerves, really. im trying really hard not to lash out on her. and it's taking me a heckload of an effort to do that. one of these days, she'll get IT from me. i can feel it. one of these days.

and just about now, one of the distributor's pharmacists don't want to answer the thing singapore sent for them to fill out. he said he doesn't know what to put on it and was actually hoping I'd do it for him. are you freakin' serious?! what? are you so dumb you can't answer the bleepin' thing?! i know we're friends and all but work's work. i got shit of my own, you got yours. don't ask me to scratch your ass for you cos i can't even rid the itch out of mine. and hello, that's part of YOUR work which means you get paid to do it. not like i'm gonna get part of your salary for doing YOUR work. geeeeeeeez! kamusta ka naman, di ba?

aaaaargh. harpoon me. anywhere. head, preferrably. and do it fast, if possible, thankyouverymuch. either that, or slash a knife down my spine. it'll just be the same thing. thanks.

and everything else in between...

2006-02-08T14:49:00.000+09:00

first things, first.

3? i knew it wouldn't last. 5 days IS a record. don't get me wrong. i'm NOT sad, neither am i depressed. i am actually glad it's over. well, technically, it is. exactly the same thing.
so, that's done.

next up... work. not done with the whole reservation thing yet. and the organizers haven't gotten back at me about my inquiries either. darnnit. i can't pay up unless the booking's confirmed. what the hell is wrong with these people? argh.

so, yeah. as you can see, nothing's going my way.

like anything ever did. tsss.

oh well. just another day in the life of the psychoneurotic wretch.

work with me people!

2006-02-07T16:51:00.000+09:00

wake me up when MARCH ends, please.

2006-02-06T17:49:00.000+09:00

guess who's going to CEBU ***"cebu? b?"*** on april???

(sorry. i just had to do that. i HAD to. :D)

yeah-huh!

ME!!!

*prances around the room while shouting, "who's the man?! I'M THE MAN! Errr... WOMAN!"*

and dig this.... it's ALL EXPENSE PAID! yep. everything's already paid for. hotel accomodation (Waterfront Hotel Cebu, mind you.), roundtrip airfare (Philippine Airlines, thankyouverymuch), the whole she-bang. well, uhm, im just about to pay for it actually. but it doesn't matter cos im not like really paying-paying for it. the company will pay for it. i'll just, uhm, be the one who's gonna do the paying. but whatever! the best part is that im not gonna pay a single cent. well, except for my other expenses. but yeah, im blabbing again ain't i? whatever. you got my point? gahhhh. can't wait! can't wait! can't wait!!!

and yeah, just so you know, i did NOT win any contest. it's a part of my job. one of the perks, that is. i'm actually going on a convention, The 2006 Philippine Pharmaceutical Association National Convention. so, ok. it's not all rest and relaxation. BUT STILL. they've paid for 5 days hotel accommodation which means i'll be there from the 18th of April to the 23rd. convention's from the 19th to the 22nd. check in's at 2. im there by 4. so i have the rest of the evening to roam around cebu city on the 18th. the 19th, i'm not sure if there'd be anything we'll hafta do aside from the registration thing. so that gives me a whole heck of time again. the 20th and the 21st, i think that one's gonna be full of activities so i'll hafta do a raincheck on roaming around the city. 22nd, not sure yet. check out's by 12. flight's by 3. and the 23rd's a sunday. that gives me time to go to church. definitely attending mass in cebu. DEFINITELY.

man, i can't believe they'd allowed me to go. not that i don't deserve it. the heck they know i do. thing is, that convention's right after the holy week which means it's a vacation after a vacation! wheeeeee! hehehe. i'm not even sure if they're aware that that's the case. but yeah. whatever. i'm just going in on monday and then on tuesday, off to cebu i go! hehehe.
i heard cebu's nice. really nice. i've never been to cebu. i've thought about going there, but nothing has ever really pushed through. and now cebu, you better watch out for me. cos i'll be there and my presence would absolutely, positively, definitely be felt! yeah-huh. you better watch out for me.

i wonder if waterfront's near the beach though. cos you know, i love the beach. no. scratch that. love is an understatement. and i haven't gone in like, almost 2 years. that's a heckuva long time. but yeah. will try to swing by. and if in case it's near, definitely going there every freaking day, or night. :P speaking of which, i need to go lose weight. a whole heck alot of it and fast! nobody wants to look like rump roast in an-almost-bathing-suit, would there?
so many things to look forward to. i once saw on tv that there's this street where all the inihaw stalls are, like the hawker stalls in, uhm, where's that again? thailand? or was that singapore? anyway, they've got puso (no, not puso-heart silly. the rice inside, uhm, is that pandan?), and lechon, well, lechon, i'll pass. i don't really like lechon. (sige, may magsabi lng ng "kasi cannibalism?" uupakan ko talaga!) so i don't like lechon. bite me. and they've got a whole heck of things inihaw. yaaaay. ohmygahd. my body better get ready for cholesterol fest!

i'm too excited, it's not even funny.

*******
CEBU is DEFINITELY <333.

this is going nowhere

2006-02-05T11:11:00.000+09:00

things aren't turning out as i've imagined them to. i'm getting frustrated by the minute and it doesn't help that he's oblivious to the fact that i AM getting frustrated and disappointed and i'm starting to get paranoid like shit.

me thinks it even irks him that i feel that way. oh well. fudgit.

i don't care anymore. i DON'T.

*******
you can kiss my pretty pretty tushie.
close the door when you get out.
just don't let it hit you.

relatively new band alert!

2006-02-04T21:47:00.000+09:00

watch out for up and coming band, CALLALILY.

they played at the UST gig last night and they farkin' kicked ass. uste people could attest to that. especially them guuuurls. vocalist kean just made alot of girls swoon and alot of guys die with envy. and to think they were unheard of. by me at least.

from what i heard they've been front-acting for bands such as 6cycle mind and sugarfree. album's coming up soon thanks to warner music. info came from ultimate-fan girl and band friend, jane, who just couldn't stop building 'em up to me.

they sang four songs all in all. all of which, were good. looking forward to seeing them play again.

*******
mayric's you say? sure.

one kick ass night. and then some...

2006-02-04T19:11:00.000+09:00

it was crazy. i love it.

last night had been the fun-EST i've had for a long, long, looooong time. and i don't regret that i've braved friday-metro-rush-hour traffic for two and a half farkin' hours for that freakin' concert. it was worth it. ALL WORTH IT, I TELL YOU.

bands farkin' kicked ass. but the crowd kicked ass more. one thing's for sure though, uste people know how to party! woot woot!

and though the whole thing was bitin, no thanks to kill joy ust admin and the effin' epal guards, all the bands made sure it'll be a night everyone would remember. having sandwich,imago,6cyclemind,pedicab,sugarfree (im not sure if there were more) play one song together *sugarfree's hari ng sablay* was one phenomenal event im sure nobody could ever forget. yep, all of em. ebe (sugarfree), raymond (pedicab,sandwich), and ney (6 cycle mind) were on the mic, and the guitarists all playing *with aya of imago mocking them*, and the rest, were either just dancing around OR mocking the guards. and i think they enjoyed doing the latter more. you can definitely see that the bands wanted to play more. but as much as they wanted to, ust admin acted like nazis and if they could i know they could've committed genocide. oh well.

if you think the crowd enjoyed it, i cannot even describe how i felt. i was on the stage. i was ON THE FARKIN' STAGE! i was so close to the bands, it felt like i could smell the sweat from their crotches while they were playing. you think that's gross? hah. you can die of envy. all access pass, me lurves you. and i lurve gre more. not only did she invite me, she gave me that all access pass. it was actually a "marshall" id but then, that's what it basically does. hence, me on the stage, shaking my booty like there's no tomorrow.

rock stars? interesting people they are. prima donnas some of them, the others, you'll love like a fatboy loves cake. speaking of which, diego of pedicab, you can have my babies. anytime. he was prancing around on the stage like a nerd and i luuuuurve him for it. oh my gahd he was sooo cute it's not even funny. had my pic taken with him thanks to gre's trusty digicam. will post soon. fan girl you say? HELL YEAH. diego on my right, toncy on my left. what more could a girl ask? somebody harpoon me. in the head. NOW.

ahahaaaaaay. man, i dunno what im doing locked up in a cage. im definitely watching opm bands now. like seriously. i was so cooped up in my cave, i wasn't aware of all the fun i've been missing. im young, pretty, and very much available and i deserve to have fun. who knows, i might just snag one of em pretty, pretty rockstars. yeheeeesssss. i wish.

*******
dito tayo sa dilim...

looking at it with my blind eye.

2006-02-03T16:48:00.000+09:00

i am not sure what i'm doing but i sure know what i like. it may be a far-fetched idea but it's making me happy and i don't care anymore.

3. not really a good number but hey, it's something.

let's see how long this'll last.

*******
mish mish mish

this is just much too funny not to post.

2006-02-02T22:17:00.000+09:00

me: kamusta naman si camille?
friend: awooo!
me: huh?!
friend: panalo, pare. panalo!
me: kadiri pala ah. boys. pfft.
me: oh yeah, after the camille ish, si juday naman daw.
friend: wala na. cosmo na lang bibilhin ko. syet.
me: ahahaha. if i remember it right, you didn't approve of camille either. but look at you now. what do you have against. juday anyway?
friend: inagaw nya sa akin si ryan. landi.

ahahahahahahahaha! FYI: friend is a GUY.

*******
FHM, look at what you do to my friends.
THANK YOU. hahahah.

promises? FUCK IT.

2006-01-30T13:10:00.000+09:00

i am never gonna believe promises anymore. the thing about it being made to be broken? SO TRUE.

it doesn't matter where or from whom the promise came from. bottomline: I'M NEVER BELIEVING PROMISES EVER AGAIN.

i've been hurt by broken promises much too many times, it's not even funny. i won't even go into details.

so. no promises to me anymore. you COULD try. i won't believe it anyway.

*******
another plan?
at least may plan.
nakakadisappoint 'pag di natutuloy eh.

it's about time!

2006-01-27T20:09:00.000+09:00

starbucks planner made an unexpected appearance at Starbucks Paseo de Roxas-Ayala Ave. branch. yes, ladies and gents, i now have the most coveted planner. yey! (note the sarcasm, thankyouverymuch.)

excitement for the said planner got preempted by the long wait. guess it'll just hafta gather dust in my cabinet, huh?

'tarbucks planner and other abandoned writing stuff can go gather dust in my trusty cabinet together.

oh what fun, huh?

*******
it'll pass. it WILL.

who's the stupid monkey who thought about this?!?

2006-01-27T10:49:00.000+09:00

i KNOW you're all gonna agree with me when i say it's a STUPID idea to parade manny pacquiao all around the metro.

gahd. aren't you guys even thinking?!

manila traffic is crazy as it is and you're adding this??? great. just GREAT.

and hello???? FRIDAY... does that ring a bell?! quiapo's already in deep-bumper-to-bumper-shit. and today, it's just gonna get worse. hell, yeah.

if you think i'm ranting away now, imagine how those quiapo-bound-south-of-the-metro (aka, las pinas/p'que/alabang/muntinlupa) people must be feeling. i bet they're all cursing like sailors just about now. i passed by roxas blvd this morning, and the quiapo-bound road is NIGHTMARE. nothing's moving. nothing. zilch. zero. nada. i bet if you put an ant there, the poor lil thing won't be even able to move those tiny, tiny feet of his.

and you know what's even greater about it? aside from the manny pacquiao thing, there's this statue unveiling of doy laurel in pedro gil. yep, pedro gil. same street as the Hyatt Hotel where THE manny "the pacman" pacquiao is billeted. (note the sarcasm, please.) so if you could just imagine OB... vans from different tv and radio stations, the "team pacquiao" convoy (no shit.), the mob of hagad traffic officers (yep, the one always leading the funeral er... entourage? hehehe.) add to that the stupid politicians' convoys who wanted to join the circus that is manny pacquiao's parade, all parked in this tiny, tiny, minute parking area then you'll know EXACTLY what im talking about.

not to mention that the visitors, the band, the whatevers are sitting in the middle of the street. oh, yes! beautiful-gowns-with-matching-imeldific-coifed-hairs-clad-women/barong-tagalog-clad men, not to mention mayor-atienza-in-oh-so-fiery-red-flowery-polo, all sitting in the middle of the street. they left this itsy-bitsy-space on the road that let's one... let me say it again, ONE... no, that doesn't do it... one more try... ONE freaking' car at a time to pass that busy, busy, and oh did i mention BUSY?, highway. imagine, they're all stuck in the shit dump that is roxas blvd.??? kamusta naman uuuuun?!

so yeah. if you're thinking of going out today, think about it twice. err... thrice... a thousand times even. if you think it's worth all the hassle then go.

don't get me wrong though. it makes me proud that manny pacquiao beat the hell out of that train-wreck erik morales (in your face! boo yeah!), putting the Philippines on the top of the boxing heirarchy. but naman. never in the life of me thought that it'd be THIS MUCH of a hassle. ilagay nyo nlng sha sa luneta tApos dun sha puntahan ng tao. o kaya sa esplanade sa macapagal highway nang di naman nakakaabala, di ba?

yun lang.

*******
you backed out.
YOU LOSE.

STARBUCKS, you will pay!

2006-01-24T15:07:00.000+09:00

SCREW YOU STARBUCKS !!!!!

how dare you NOT be prepared with our well-deserved planners?! how in the world did you have the guts to still open stores when you cannot provide us the things you've promised to give but haven't?! your memo said 3rd-freakin-week-of-freakin'-JANUARY! ok then, we waited for 3-gawddarn-weeks. but what the hell?! it's almost february and not a planner in sight!

i've been to six (6) 'tarbucks and not a single one has a planner! (ayala,sm north, bf homes, west ave., congressional ave., robinson's ermita) what the hell is wrong with you people?!

after forcing ourselves to chug down on over-priced coffee, not to mention the amount of caffeine we guiltily forced our bodies to ingest, this is what you give back to us? so much for taking care of your customers!

screw you! if i were to die now because of caffeine overdose, i will force my coffee-filled-ass outta my grave and make you pay.

give us our planners or suffer the consequences.

it'll be hell, you hear? HELL.

*******
geeez.

if that was a joke (but i really really REALLY hope, it wasn't), never lemme lay eyes on you again.. that is, if you still wanna see the light of day.

2006-01-23T16:14:00.000+09:00

isn't it ironic that the very same day a frightful experience left me scared shitless would leave me a lil on the giddy/frisky/butterflies-in-my-tummy as well?

i MAY have something on valentine's. after eons and eons and eons of years, almost getting cynical (boo, jaded me. boo!) when it comes to the heart's day, here is.... something.

i am not getting my hopes up, as i always screw up when i do. but i really really REALLY hope it pushes through.

(oooh, that rhymes! oh fudge it. this lil thing called cheesy-ness always makes me rhyme! rarrrrr!)

i'm kindov diggin' it. sort of. so, yeah. we'll see what happens.

wish me luck! wish me lots of it!

*******
err... what are we talking about?

not again, please?

2006-01-23T15:44:00.000+09:00

today leaves me the penultimate, harrowing experience of my life. yes. penultimate. nothing can beat having my tatay die in front of my very own eyes, in my very own arms, no less. this experience is quite the same thing, only the old man didn't die. (good thing!) but he ALMOST DID.

i was over at the Philippine General Hospital for a 10-AM appointment with a Medical Oncologist. Since i'm NOT one to be late on meetings and appointments i was already there a lil past nine. since it was a bit early i decided to stay near the office so that i won't have to rush when the clock struck 10. so i sat on a bench just outside the Medical Oncology Department. to my right were an old couple, waiting for their oncologist, i thought.

so i went around like i always do, fiddling with my mp3 player, oblivious to the world around me. and then it happened. the old lady beside me started slapping the man beside her, shouting, "daddy! daddy!" she slapped him so hard even manny pacquiao would get hurt. thing is, the old man didn't budge. he didn't even seem to feel or hear anything. a few more shakes and she said, "miss, pakitingin muna." by this time my mind's already in panic! (she was, too.) and then this? i knew it'd be a tad more difficult for me since i have already been through it and didn't particularly leave a good memory. what made matters worse is that when she left to get help, the man took a really deep breath and slumped on the bench! it was like putting tatay's death scene on rewind!

with my mind half in panic, half trying to keep my cool, i looked around and see if i could get help. there were at least three people to my left, asked them if there was a nurse around or a doctor or anyone. they weren't budging! they knew the man was in a difficult state but they weren't doing anything to help. they looked like they were getting worried but that didn't mean they'd exert any effort to get help. as for me, i can't leave the man alone. what if he slumps on the floor instead? i can't leave him.

good thing his wife got back with a doctor on tow. im sure it was a good three minutes. you'd think it was quite a short time? HAH. you have no idea!

the doctor was calm, way too calm if you ask me, almost bordering on indifferent. he must've gone through alot of this scenes in his life, as would any other doctor, but the human in me says no amount of a person-dying-in-front-of-you scenes could EVER make me used to it. he was giving the patient a really slight shake with an almost unhearable, "tatay?tatay?." he looked to the wife and he said, "dalhin nyo na sha diretso sa emergency room." again, in an indifferent tone. i was like, "what the hell?! can't you see she's helpless? she looked like she's gonna faint herself! why can't you at least be a gentleman and help her carry her husband over to the ER?!"

the thing that made this experience more sad is the fact that we were already inside a hospital. up until the man gained consciousness, not one nurse or orderly came with a stretcher or a wheelchair, at least. and the doctors on the scene, tsk, they couldn't be much more indifferent. except for that one doctor who happened to pass by, 5 minutes after the patient lost consciousness, and tried to see if he could do anything to help. he didn't leave until he saw that the man will be alright. he didn't leave eventhough there was already a doctor attending to the old man.

i am not blaming for the attending doctor to act that way. i'm pretty sure he was just trying to keep his composure. for all i know he could've done something to contact the patient's own oncologist, whom they were waiting for to see, as the same came a lil over 10 minutes after the patient gained his consciousness.

a lil more compassion, a lil more empathy and im sure this experience wouldnt've been as harrowing as it was. a lil more action from the hospital personnel and things could've been a lil better.

*******
i miss you, tatay.
please look after me like you always did.
mr. old-man-who-almost-died-in-front-of-me,
may God bless and watch over you always.

"happy" holidays? YOU BET.

2006-01-20T20:55:00.000+09:00

(to anybody who cares... ENJOY!)

this is what happens if you get chug-a-happy during the holidays. had one too many vodka cruisers... you think? ^_^

*******
it hurts but i got no other choice
BUT to deal...

and i, have been rejected once more....

2006-01-17T21:33:00.000+09:00

me: oh, hi. uhm... do you have plans on saturday night?
him: anong date yun? (*muttering to himself*) 21? tpos sa 2* birthday ni *** tpos sa 2* si.....
him: anong meron?
me: ah... eh... (*hesitates for a moment and then...*) invite sana kita. videoke party ni *******. i'm allowed to bring a friend... one friend. eh since i haven't seen you for the longest time, i thought of you. so what do you think?
him: uhmm... kse... (*still muttering to himself*) eh kse di ba birthday nga sa 2* tpos yung isa sa 2*... MAGPAPRACTICE AKO MAGBAKE NG CAKE... eh kse exams pag blahblahblahblah.... lhat naman ginagawan ko ng cake. tanong mo pa kay ****...
me: (*interrupting mid-sentence*) ah, ok. (at the back of my head: LAHAT?! asan yung cake ko?!)
him: sorry talaga kasi alam mo naman.... blahblahblahblah explains some more blahblahblahblah...
me: ok lang. no worries.
him: *still blabbering away*
me: no. seriously, it's ok.
him: explainexplainexplainexplain...
me: HEY! STOP! I SAID IT'S OK. YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN COS IT'S OK. REALLY. WHY ARE YOU EXPLAINING ANYWAY?! BZZZT. STOP. SHHHH. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. IT'S OK. (*all these while he's still explaining on the background*)

"magpapractice ako mag-bake ng cake."

wtf?! no, seriously. what the FUCK?!

i would've appreciated it more if you were a tad bit more honest and told me that you don't want to go because (1) you don't wanna be with me. (2) you don't do videoke. (3) you don't want to go with me. (4) you need your rest cos hell week had just left you like a rotten banana. and... did i say "you don't wanna be with me" already?!

in fairness to you, that one's really unique. nothing like anything i've heard before. and to think im the queen of rejection! i cannot think of anybody else who could pull off something like that. yeah.

i know. it's my fault. it's ALL my fault. i screwed up. and i screwed up BIG TIME. that's why i'm trying to make up for everything. all the stupidity, idiot-isms, moron-ness and whatnots. i hope you're seeing all my efforts though. cos im really trying. im trying really really REALLY HARD to at least bring something back. to bring at least a lil from what we used to have back. and it hurts that reality's kickin me in the ass, HARD, with you not even realizing that im putting the heck of an effort. im trying yet i still SUCK at it.

boo me.

*******
im the worst friend. EVER.

crap? what? oh. you.

2006-01-05T19:08:00.000+09:00

today was a very, very, very tiring day. not to mention that it's also unproductive. gah. i knew i shouldnt've depended on 'em. but it's not like i have any other choice. double gah. they promised they'd work on it tomorrow. well, they better. grrrr. i hate working with difficult people. only I have the right to be difficult. hell yeah. hehehe.

and can i say to these doctors (most specifically the specialists), stop acting like you're god cos you're not. geez. you guys need to work on your people skills.

people = jobs = moolah, therefore, people = moolah. shit on your patients'/reps/secretaries heads and we'll see who'll be eating shit. HELL YEAH.

yeah yeah, you came from a really good school. heck. you even studied abroad. but please, please don't let me think that you messed up all your values education classes. and don't even give me that i'm-gorgeous-i-can-be-shitty-as-often-as-i-want-cos-i-can-get-away-with-it. don't even get me started on that.

wouldn't it be nice if you'd be remembered as that nice-and-gorgeous-doc-that-helped-me rather than that-crap-eating-shitty-face-of-a-quack-dumdum???

i know you're busy. everyone is. you could at least try to be nice. heck you can even just act like you're nice if you're really a shitface.

GAAAAAAH.

one more day and i can rest.

then after the weekend it's back to shitland. grrr.

oh well.

*******
tinginingining naman oh!

eeeeeeek!

2006-01-05T18:36:00.001+09:00

one more!!! just one freakin' sticker and you're all mine 'tarbucks 2006 planner!!! all mine you hear?!?!?!

bwahahahaha!!!

i.
am.
such.
a.
NERD.

gah.

who wants a 'tarbucks treat on the 29th?! hell yeah, on me.
(of course you wouldn't know that there's a free bev voucher on the planner cos i dint tell you. =D)

*******
'yo ernie
it's 'yo bathtime...
we gonna party
cos it's 'yo bathtime...

crazily. yeah. =P

2006-01-04T12:15:00.000+09:00

2 more freakin' stickers and i'm good to go! woot! still thinking if i'd go to 'tarbucks today and get myself a cup (or two! =P). anybody who wants to go with me? so yeah. two more, baby!

--------------

the past two days have been crazy. i could not even imagine what's coming in the next few days. i told you it's gonna be hell. and the heck i'm right!

i have planned everything out for the week and waddaya know... it's already been wrecked. crazy ass schedule would definitely make go loco.

--------------

so he's here. and everyone's gonna be here too, i heard. but i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna see them, if not sure-sure. sigh. i'm not really expecting them to waste their time on me, but still. it's really making me sad. i dunno why, but yeah.

i'm weird. oh yes, i am.

*******
yeah? yeah.

'ya heard?

2005-12-29T23:49:00.000+09:00

HAH. 3 stickers down, only 3 more to go!

3 more holiday bevs and you're mine 'tabucks 2006 planner. mine, 'ya hear? bwahahaha.

see? i told you im'ma complete all 21 stickers. just 3 more. yes.

--------------

and oh yeah. i won. in your face, krizel! i didn't make paramdam for almost 3 days. and he missed me (i think. *i wish*) so he texted me instead. hahaha. mmmkay. so maybe i'm assuming, but yeah, he texted first so, I WON. =P

haaaaay. why don't i get more days like this?

--------------

only 3 days of vacation left and it's back to work. not that i haven't been working this week. you guys know what i mean.

it's gonna be hell next week. oh yeah, HELL i tell you.

*******
life has a funny way
of helpin' you out when you think
everything's gone wrong
and everything blows up in your face...

2005-12-29T10:50:00.000+09:00

1 down, 6 more to go. =D

this is takin' longer than expected but i promise you i will complete all 21 stickers. i will. I WILL. (one creme brulee frappucino to go, please?)

--------------

so. 2 days. nothing. ack! what the hell is going on here?! oh god of mushyness and cheesy-ness, hear me. i want him and i want him bad. please let him be the one. please? pretty pretty me... errr... please? puhhhleeeeaaasse????

mmmmkay... bordering on desperate. eeep.

--------------

a friend's coming home on the 25th. i'm sure we won't be able to see each other cos for one thing, i ain't priority. i mean, we're friends and all but i dont think im important enough for him to see me. which, i totally understand. he'll be too busy meeting up with friends he hasn't talked with for the 5 years he's been gone to even think about me. but i really really REALLY hope we do, though. really.

i can't explain it, but for some reason i see him as one of the few (and by few i mean, less than what you can count with one hand.) who understands me. i may be psychoneurotic but he understands that. or at least he tries to. he listens. ALOT. he gives me the slap-in-the-face-are-you-freakin-out-of-your-mind-wake-up-you-stupid-ass talks when he thinks i need it. he's never gives me generic answers. he saw me at my lowest and never left and i loff him for that.

so, yeah. to you PoHa LoCa, ingat pag-uwi.

*******
everything's changing
when i turn around
i'm out of control
i'm mobile...

dormant

2005-12-27T23:22:00.000+09:00

when will i ever learn?!

again, from almost thriving, now it's back to non-existent. i know i'm rushing things but i can't really help it now, can i? i gotta stop.

this.
has.
got.
to.
STOP.

why do YOU have to come my way anyway? why do YOU have to make me all giddy and cheesy and make me all tingly inside? why didja hafta wake up my already dormant mushy-machine when you're just gonna stab it right smack in the center anyway?

this is so not right and im'ma need to put a stop to this.

i intend to stay sane for the rest of my life thankyouverymuch.

*******
sane? who are you kidding?

2005-12-26T23:37:00.000+09:00

STARBUCKS 2006 PLANNER,

you're gonna be MINE!

just 7 more stickers to go. and at the rate i'm going, you'll be mine in no time.

*******
just you wait and see.

he got me kinda shocked

2005-12-25T23:56:00.000+09:00

mmmkay... so i spoke too soon. =(

the thing that's supposed to happen today, well it didn't. i'm not complaining though. i guess it's better. he needs to be somewhere tonight and i don't want to be the reason for him to be rushing from my side of the metro to where he's supposed to be cos he's already running late. besides, there's always next time.

what i really wanted to say: crap, crap, craaaaaaaaaap!!! of all the freakin' days, why now??? stupid schedule. i should be giddy, and all cheesy, and all the crap like that. but i'm effin' NOT. argh. this is soooo stupid!!!!

just needed to let that out.

*******
sigh. =(

happy chrismakkah! (no. i'm NOT jewish.)

2005-12-25T13:52:00.000+09:00

ladies and gentlemen, mark this day on your calendars.

this is the first, in the longest time, that i wouldn't be ranting on how insipid or how sucky my holiday is. i know it could've been better but i wouldn't have it any other way.

content. happy. just a few things added to the chaos that is my emotional rollercoaster.

i am not going to elaborate. it's enough that i have let y'all know that, yeah, i am happy and nobody can ever ruin this day for me. NOBODY.

*******
yeah. cos im cheesy like that. =P

merry christmas to me!

2005-12-22T11:24:00.000+09:00

now you're talking!

this is what i wanted for christmas and THANK YOU GOD for giving this to me. i really, really, really hope this is NOT a one time thing. cos if it is, id be extremely, extremely disappointed.

franz, you better get your freakin' phone to work. we need to see each other again before the year ends. or before this week does, at least. last night was fun and i want to have another one just like that. this time, one whole day please? and can we bring along your friend with us again? he's fun. really. hahaha. mmmkay. something doesn't sound right in this paragraph. but yeah, you know what im talking about. <3>

*******
makin my way downtown
walking fast, faces passed
and im homebound...

girls' day out!

2005-12-09T09:26:00.000+09:00

auj, en, sofie, nikai, & moi

26 november 2005

uhm, shut up! please?

2005-12-01T23:37:00.000+09:00

what in the?!

you got a voice that could embarrass even william hung or, or, or that vanessa-williams-kin-poser and you still got the nerve to ask me if you could sing?! good thing you couldn't see me. i was literally rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. and goodness! you asked me if you could sing another one.

what've i done to deserve this? what? what? whaaaaaat????

i appreciate the gesture, really. and i know you're tryin' to get into my good side. but please... please... puh-lease don't do it again. NEVER do it again. it was just pure, unadulterated torture. don't do that to me EVER again.

*******
i am soooo evuhl...

jinxed

2005-11-29T10:18:00.000+09:00

during times full of love, mushy-ness, and cheesy-ness do i feel most alone and vulnerable. it doesn't help that everyone around me feels loved and cared for.

it's like doing high school all over again. only, more painful.

*******
my heart cannot break
when it wasn't even whole
to start with....

oh yeah?

2005-11-25T09:30:00.000+09:00

coolness.

early morning dementia

2005-11-23T09:42:00.000+09:00

so many things happening all at the same time. i should be panicking by now but i'm not. sooo weird.

what the hell am i doing? what the hell is the world doing to me? early christmas gift? i sure hope not. this is NOT what i asked for. patoooey!

or is it?

nananananananana....

*******
kill me now, please?

harry potter and my sister's goblet of wit... :P

2005-11-20T01:56:00.000+09:00

watched harry potter tonight. and out of the four HP installments, i must say, this one's the best yet. note that there are still some scenes in the movie that is not exactly done as it was said in the book and few of the other infos im looking forward to seein' in the big screen wasn't included. but all in all, i liked it.

and, i must commend the big improvement in sm cinemas. the floors are still sticky (from gahdknowswhat..) but the seats are waaaay more comfy. i hope they do something about the floors though. still icky thinkin about what makes it like that. uhhh...

and oh oh oh!!! still on the Harry Potter 4 night....

i just really need to say this:

MY SISTER HAS THE QUICKEST WIT EVER!

in a smart ass kindov way, of course.

on our way to the mall there was this guy who stopped her and said something to which she quickly replied, "bakit ka nakikialam?!". i was a good two feet behind her and wasn't able to hear what he said. as soon as we got into the mall, i asked her what that was about. she said, "ate, sabi nya [BAGUIO?!] so sumagot ako. i could've said [BAKLA?!] but that would be insult to our highly intellectual, uber talented gay friends."

wahahahaha! she's sooo right.

i guess, seeing three kids (some people say i still look like one. =P) wearing jackets rushing inside the mall, made him think that he could put his sarcasm into use. lil did he know that he's picked on the wrong girl and that this girl could retaliate and definitely kick his ass!

but wouldn't it be funnier if she replied just that? what if he turned out to be straight? that'd definitely put him in his place! again, no offense to our much-loved gay friends. :D

*******
i feel there's somethin' heatin' up
can i leave with you?
i dunno what i'm thinkin' about
really leavin' with you...

another morbid, senseless act of cruelty

2005-11-18T10:07:00.000+09:00

i cannot, in the life of me, understand why things like these happen. i saw pretty much everything and learned much more. more than what i could handle, i must say.

nobody deserved to be treated like that. cold-blooded murderers and rapists get their "due process." why didn't these people get theirs??? whether they were guilty or not, they should've been treated better.

i feel for them and their families. the idea of losing someone to death is hard to accept, much more if they did in a gruesome, senseless manner.

and for these people who thought they are "heroes," think again. you're worse than all those seasoned criminals and cold-blooded murderers combined. you are the ones who should rot in jail. oh no... scratch that. your souls should burn in hell.

*******
what the hell is happening???

ooohhh... so much info.

2005-10-28T10:26:00.000+09:00

got this from a college classmate. she sent this on our section's yahoogroup. and since i have nothing better to do i clicked on the thing and voila!

You entered: 10/14/1983
Your date of conception was on or about 21 January 1983.
You were born on a Friday under the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 9.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2445621.5.
The golden number for 1983 is 8.
The epact number for 1983 is 16.
The year 1983 was not a leap year.

As of 10/27/2005 10:05:30 PM CDT:
You are 22 years old.
You are 264 months old.
You are 1,150 weeks old.
You are 8,049 days old.
You are 193,198 hours old.
You are 11,591,885 minutes old.
You are 695,513,130 seconds old.
You are 3.15029354207436 dog years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

There are 352 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 23 candles
Those 23 candles produce 23 BTUs,or 5,796 calories of heat (that's only 5.7960 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.63 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1983 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US.
In 1983 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1983 in the US there were 2,444,000 marriages (10.5%) and 1,179,000 divorces (5%)
In 1983 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)Your

birthstone is Tourmaline
The Mystical properties of Tourmaline
Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance.Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Jasper

Your birth tree is Maple, Independence of Mind
No ordinary person, full imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-respect, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, many complexes, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.There are 59 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was in its first quarter.

Friday, October 14, 1983
Moon's age (days): 7
Distance (Earth radii): 63.29 %
Illumination 51.76%
Ecliptic latitude (degrees): -2.95
Ecliptic longitude (degrees): 297.57

you know, it's really not funny.

2005-10-27T23:42:00.000+09:00

two obese gym people ------> POWERLIFTERS! (so they really know what they're talking about...hmmmn...)

funny, after my work out i saw one of 'em outside. he said bye and then asked me if i wanted to eat. hahaha. he was in his car munching on chicken breasts, i think. he just finished working out too. that gesture's really nice. considering i've only known him for a few days.

that man's got power. a whole lotta strength, i tell ya! he was lifting really heavy barbells. (sp?) i bet they're as heavy as me. and he was lifting em like he was lifting a pillow. no effort whatsoever.

gym crushie talked with me yesterday. *enter high school teeny bopper mode* like he has any other choice. hahaha. soooo cute. i was on the treadmill and he was lifting weights beside me. well, he wasn't with me of course but i got to stare at him through the mirror. and ohmyfreakingahd that ass!!! oh my oh my oh my!

i'm definitely working out later!

^______^

*******
i feel like i've been locked up tight
for a century of lonely nights
waiting for someone
to release me....

revelations

2005-10-27T10:29:00.000+09:00

it was so clear. i guess i was just in denial. nobody ever knew but us...

now i know why that rose was BROKEN.

*******
and all "the best deception" and the "clever cover story" awards go to you...

eternally bouncy

2005-10-26T15:58:00.000+09:00

gym people are the nicest. i thought they were all passive and crap like that, but you know what... they're far from that. they're eternally bouncy, happy, nice buncha folks. need i say more?

been eyeing two "gym mates". cute, cute, cute fellas. the mere fact that they still look good (and smell good, too!) even if they're sweating their asses off, makes me wanna go back everyday. can anybody say yummy?

made lotsa friends.

sigh. i wish they were my real friends, though. what a rowdy bunch we would make.

not to mention that i'll be eternally bouncy, happy, and nice as well.

*******
i wish.

heaven sent

2005-10-26T14:10:00.000+09:00

and just as i was about to give up, you showed up and showed me that you care.

thanks.

*******
you're just one guy, but you're all that i need.

you could at least try.

2005-10-25T23:12:00.000+09:00

rejections.

been a part of my life for as long as i remember. and no, the "no's" your momma gave you don't count.

do two consecutive rejections enough to make you back off?

i'm giving it one more chance, you see. one last, final try.

*******
no, this isn't love we're talking about. shut up.

true... oh so true.

2005-10-25T18:27:00.000+09:00

"where the mind goes, the body will follow."
- bong, the gym dude

not a good sign... not a good sign at all.

2005-10-24T13:17:00.000+09:00

it is not new to me. if it's anything, it had always been here. just lurking around the corner, trying to find the right time to pound on me. and it caught me. off-guard. as always.

desolate.

abandoned.

ALONE.

i guess i always was but i just kept shrugging it off since i know it wouldn't do me any good.

of all the days, why now? now that i've almost forgotten what happened. now that i've almost forgiven myself for all the stupid things i've done. now that i've almost stopped regretting that i didn't do the things i should've, ending up hurting myself and others. yes, why now?!

*******
i wish i wasn't in love with you
so you couldn't hurt me
it just ain't fair
the way you treat me
no, you don't deserve me....

ouch.... don't make me move, please? ouch. ouch. ouch!

2005-10-21T12:29:00.000+09:00

i got my fat self back to the gym. ohh freakin' yeah! the gym. i've gone for only two days and already, my body's screaming for help. those instructors are slave drivers, mehn. slave drivers i tell you!

the first day i worked on my upper torso and yesterday i did the lower part of my body. mmmkay... that didn't sound right. but yeah. you got my point.

i was a lil skeptic at first since this gym isn't your fitness first or your gold's gym. not even your slimmer's world. my measly salary won't allow me. BOO. but hey, they've been pretty good so far. i'd say they've been doin a good job on me. errr... no pun intended.

the thing is, i'm really confused it they really are or.. ya know. for one thing, the first two people who taught me are FAT. oh. scratch that. obese. severely. (no offense to our plump-but-very-huggyble friends. but they really are.) my gahd. how can i concentrate if the person who's teaching me's munching on a sandwich while i sweat my ass off?

anyway, since all of my target area's achin', which is a good thing since that means i have really worked on it, i'm keeping my fingers crossed. i hope by december im back to my ideal weight. and summer, you better watch out for me! hehehe.

stupid mickey dees breakfasts found their way up my already-big fat ass. pfft.

*******
wait a minute, sir.
you kindov hurt my feelings.

you weren't prepared for moi. admit it.

2005-10-14T14:04:00.000+09:00

the same day as today, 22 years back, a certain someone was forced out of her mum's womb. lil did they know, this lil wretch would wreak havoc the moment she got out in this already damned world.

fast forward 22 years, the lil wretch is now almost a woman. she had lived 22 years of her life wreaking havoc, still wreaking, and not a clue of her stopping, anytime. she's caused pain and caused alot of it. mostly to herself and random unfortunate people. there may have been times that she'd made somebody happy but it was so sporadic, it doesn't even count.

she's looking forward to causing more pain and hurt and whatever evil things her diabolic lil mind could conjure.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, YOU LIL WRETCH!

*******

it's my birthday and i could cry if i want to.

die if i want to.

2005-10-11T14:06:00.000+09:00

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

you betcha. ^____^

i can't believe it's been almost two freakin' years!

2005-10-10T14:12:00.000+09:00

YUPPEEE BURFDAY, Angelo "Bubs/Atty. Panic Daddy" Vergara!

and oh, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you and B too!!!

so many things to be happy about. 'san ang blow out? :P

*******
hi ben!

and all the "best deceptions" and the "clever cover story" awards go to you...

2005-09-30T12:22:00.000+09:00

i absolutely ABHORE you, you scum-eating/crap-loving miserable little fudgepacker!

tangina, she's my friend. they both are. and though i hate nay despise, your current girlfriend, she WAS my friend too.

i can't believe you're doing things over and over again. like it's a vicious cycle. you did it to her. you did it to me (that, and more.. i just learned). and now you're doing it to her... and what's worse, you're doing it with the "ex" her. man!

i can't wait 'til the day everything blows up in your face and i'm there to witness everything. just looking with that evil smirk on my face that's saying, "you deserve it, man. all of these. good luck on your trip to hell."

*******
DISCLAIMER: i am not HURT. not one bit. im just annoyed/irritated that i wasted 4-freakin'-years of my life with a scumbag. for all the "joy" you've given me, thanks alot. i mean it. for all of the rest, you can go to hell.

blistering barnacles!

2005-09-29T10:20:00.000+09:00

who's the BIGGEST, most stupid ass that ever walked the planet???

oh yeah... you guessed it...

ME.

boo.

note to self: NEVER BE ABSENT-MINDED EVER AGAIN. ALL ATTENTION SHOULD BE ON WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING.

stupidity has brought me to alabang then paranaque then alabang again. what in the?!

i was just supposed to submit an extension letter at BFAD but stupidity reigned and just as i was about to get on a 2-minute ride from the alabang terminal, i took a brief look at the letters and realized that i have addressed the letter to the wrong person. needless to say, i had to rush to paranaque and correct the freakin' letter. why the hell i did not see this from my ride from mi casa to alabang, i do not know. all i know is that i'm stupid and i should eat crap.

and if that's not enough stupidity, the day before, i freakin' locked the bathroom door. how the hell would you open something that doesn't have a keyhole from the outside??? GAH.

oh but wait! there's more....

so after i submitted the letter (which took me a good 5-minutes, thankyouverymuch.) i had to go to the accountant's office in makati. i got there, a good 30 minutes before three. i got off at paseo de roxas and then pass through the underpass, which is my usual route, but instead of turning right i turned left thinking i could find a shorter route to valero. so i walked and walked and walked and walked. i didn't know valero could be sooo confusing. THEN it started to rain. real hard. imagine me walking through the streets of makati wet with sweat and rain water. GAHD. not a pretty sight, ain't it? so i turned around, walked back before i get any more lost. what's supposed to be a 10-minute walk from paseo de roxas to valero turned out to be a gruelling, hard-pour/strong-wind-fighting 30-minute walk.

note to self #2: NEVER TRY TO EXPLORE UNCHARTED TERRITORIES (aka MAKATI) ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S HOT AND THE RAIN'S POURING REALLY HARD AT THE SAME TIME. NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO CATCH.

this wild streak of stupid-ness has got to stop. i can't afford to correct each and every nonsensical mistake that i make. for stupidity #1 it's a good thing that paranaque's near alabang. if the office were at QC still, i swear i would've killed myself.

*******
to the moon and back

yay for my friends!

2005-09-20T22:14:00.000+09:00

BIG CONGRATULATIONS to Equi and her hubby, Arvin for precious lil Alfie. eeqs, i really wish your lil precious princess will look like you. no offense to Arvin. ^_^ (be visiting you soon eeqs!)

and also, GI-NORMOUS CONGRATS to lj friend aRj, for getting into Level 3 of RX 93.1's Radio idol. g'luck on the next round. i'll be rooting for ya!

*******
happy, happy... joy, joy..

a random rant

2005-09-19T19:44:00.000+09:00

i have never felt so stressed in my entire life, until now. well, not since my board exam review days,at least. and even that, is a whole different kind of stress.

work's kindov getting a bit too demanding. im still coping though. trying to cope, that is. too much paperwork. too much travelling. everything's gone a lil bit too much.

i don't wanna sound like i'm giving up or ready to give up cos i'm not. never am and never will be. neither do i want to sound like i don't wanna do this anymore. cos i do. i still do.

it's one of them days again, i guess. one-of-those-days... DON'T ASK.

i'm gonna stop now before i say anything stupid.

*******
hold on.

babies galore! v2.0

2005-09-17T23:57:00.000+09:00

the last post was of my cousins to tito bhong. this time, i'm posting tito pip's kids. sooo cute. i swear. ^_^

neo

(even when lookin at pics i can't help it and still say "iong-iong...iong-iong.." or "baby wapoo... baby wapoo..." as if he could hear me. :D)

sofie

(she's lil miss spoiled brat but we love her still. :D)

*******

aren't they just so adorable?

babies galore!

2005-09-17T23:11:00.000+09:00

have i told you how much i adore my baby cousins? no? here are a few pics to show you how much...... ^__^

(taken a few hours ago..)

eris

and me

(i look like crap, huh. but eris is sooo cute. nevermind that he's nakasimangot.^_^)

zea and me

things that the singaporeans did that made me go, "WHAT THE?!"

2005-09-03T07:24:00.000+09:00

1.) GM (General Manager) keeps a wad of tissues in his pocket.
- and i'm not talkin about kleenex. im talkin about table napkins. ohh yeah. it's like he asked for a whole bunch of 'em from the waiters and kept it in his pockets. weird.

2.) GM carries a bag of Robitussin candies wherever he goes.
- now where did he get those? (singapore, you stupid ass.) i want a bag of those. err... make that two.

3.) GM keeps 5 different colors of highlighters in his bag.
- there were five. REALLY. pink. blue. yellow. green. and orange. MM (Marketing Manager) asks for a highlighter and he goes, "what color?" hahaha. i swear i almost lost it at that one.

4.) MM saying "lah" after every freakin' sentence.
- "whichevuh, lah." "we could just wait for them, lah." singaporeans say "lah." she's MALAYSIAN.

5.) icky armpit hairs.
- i'm not saying whose. @_@

6.) AM (Accounting Manager) wants us to walk from makati shang to valero. (er.. the street after that.)
- i know it's quite near and i don't have a problem with walking. but it's freakin' noon and was hella hot. she wanted to see me bleed. i swear.

7.) MM looks a hell lot like my aunt.
- the way she talks. the way she walks. brrrr. freaky resemblance.

8.) GM asks for corned beef in a greenbelt resto.
- if i only knew he wanted corned beef, i would've just brought him some. ako pa magluluto. special. haha. :D

*******
i had soooo much fun. can't you tell?

say what?

2005-08-20T18:15:00.000+09:00

on a poster in front of a nuts and bolts (and screws) shop:

SCREW MASTER

wahahahahahaha! :D

oooooooo...k. i'm gonna stop now. :P

*******
watchulookinat?

freak the gawddarn weather.

2005-08-19T19:44:00.000+09:00

it must be the weather.

yeah. i'll just blame it on the weather.

no point blaming myself again cos... it just doesn't make any sense. i do that all the time and, well, it doesn't make much of a difference. i can't blame you either cos... well, just because. so yeah, I'M BLAMING IT ON THE FREAKIN' WEATHER!

are you really THAT insensitive?! i got offended. big time. i even stopped talking. me, the ever-talkative claude, freakin' stopped talking. but didja notice? noooo. you just freakin' continued whatever the hell you were doing like an impervious lil ass.

hindi ako natuwa sa sinabi mo. nakaka-offend yun, hindi mo ba alam? hindi dahil close tayo pwede mo na akong sabihan ng ganun. that was waaay beyond the line, mister. and i deserve an apology.

im exhausted, stressed, and worn out with work and here you are, one of the few persons i thought would get me outta this crap i'm in, just diggin' the shithole deeper.

well, thank you for nothing.

*******
done in and spent

shortlived

2005-08-18T15:57:00.000+09:00

it just freakin' dawned on me.

THE SINGAPOREANS WILL ARRIVE ON THE 24TH. THE SAME DAY AS GRANMA'S!

nooooooooooooooo!

*throws tantrums*

why, oh why????

that means no granma on the 24th yet. i'll hafta wait 'til the weekend. oh bummer!

*throws more tantrums*

happiness in the midst of chaos

2005-08-18T15:12:00.000+09:00

GRANMA'S COMING HOME ON THE 24TH!!!

woot! woot!

i miss my grams. really. i haven't seen her for.... hmmmn... AGES. why does the states hafta be so far?

anyways, that also means... instant reunion. party! party! parteeeey!

times like these, i wish gramps was still here. that'd be more fun. but then again, i know he'll be with us in spirit. that's for sure.

can't wait 'til wednesday.

*giddy*

*******
happiness.

panic

2005-08-17T21:52:00.000+09:00

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!

*fans self*

the singaporeans are coming! oh no!

*panic attacks*

what to do?! what to do?!

*walks in circles*

they're coming on wednesday. and they asked me to meet them at the hotel.

ohmyfriggingawd! im seriously, seriously, panicking right now.

i'm stressed as it is. now i'm... blah. see? there's not even a word for what i'm feeling. argh.

oh dear Lord. help me please?

*******
now i'm crawling in the dark
lookin' for the answers

5 is' and then some

2005-08-16T21:31:00.000+09:00

ripped this off a blog friend's site. *thanks aRj.*

Directions: Type "(your name) is" with the quotes, into Google and then search. Then pick out your favorite 5 responses. Copy, then repost your responses:

1.) Claudette is also blessed with a body THAT MOST MODELS AND ACTRESSES WISH FOR. (rooooiiiiittteeee!)
2.) Claudette is truly amazing.
3.) Claudette is likely to turn into a hurricane tonight.
4.) Claudette is a spoiled (and married) brat.
5.) Claudette is gone and so is most of the fish. (hahaha.)

and being the makulit person that I am, i tried it with Yahoo! too and this is what i got:

1.) Claudette is sardonically real.
2.) Claudette is our oatmeal-colored floppy bear.
3.) Claudette is pregnant now. (wahaha. how? immaculate conception?!)
4.) Claudette is a veritable dynamo, a powerhouse of ideas, and something of a chameleon
5.) Claudette is the hotness.

ooo....k. that was FUN. i should do that more often. make fun of myself, that is. i haven't done that for the longest time and i almost forgot how fun that was. :D

*******
a blink, a stare, a lie.

the month that was

2005-08-15T14:38:00.000+09:00

the things i get myself into. UGH.

get this.

i travel from qc to paranaque every-freakin'-day. that's two freakin' hours of freakin' travel time just to get to freakin' work! add another two hours to get home... that's four freakin' hours of my life wasted on travelling every-freakin'-day. could you imagine?! Tuesdays and Wednesdays are worse cos i hafta go to alabang first, then paranaque. and that's on normal days. there are days when i hafta go to alabang, then to paranaque, then to makati, then back to paranaque, then to diliman. whew! i got tired just by writing that.

oh oh oh! oh gahd. i remember that one time i TRIED to take the bus from paranaque to qc. that took me three hours to get home. three friggin' hours of torture! it was HELL, man. shiiyeah. not to mention that i have nothing, zilch, zero, nada food in my tummy.

have i mentioned that i hate, nay, despise bus drivers? they're evuuhhhhlll. evil i tell you! ever driven next to them? you get the picture. i hate bus seats. uber uncomfy. ugh. not to mention icky too. i hate bus commuters. ever had your feet (ohh yeahh. both of em.) stepped on a gazillion times in 5 minutes? right.

which brings me... i wonder if i could request a service (a car, thankyouverymuch.) from the singapore people. hmmmn... but then again with gas prices as high as the petronas towers and the metro traffic AND the distance i hafta drive, not to mention evil metro drivers... NO, THANK YOU.

Thank God for the MRT! i still hafta take the bus but that blessed thing just cut my bus ride in half. 3/4's even. all i have to do is get to EDSA and that lovely, lovely MRT's there waiting for me. yay.

it's been almost a month. everything's starting to be a routine. i don't think i'll get used to this though, unlike all the other crappy things i made myself do.

don't get me wrong. i like my work. i like what i'm doing. i know i'll benefit from this. this'll make me grow. career-wise, that is. it's just that... all these travelling. it's slowly taking its toll on me. im just a month into the job. and i have to endure this for a year! waaah.

oh dear God, please help me.

*******
a post, a heartbeat, an emotion.

random thoughts of the twisted mind

2005-07-13T08:03:00.000+09:00

What is it with office women and pointed shoes?

I was on my way to meet somebody over at Glorietta when I noticed this strange phenomenon. From the bus ride to the MRT Station, to the MRT ride itself, the floor was teeming with pointed shoes. All the colors and sizes you could imagine. I wouldn't be surprised if you'd see a pair or two for every square feet of the train.

Not that it's a bad thing and neither am I complaining. I have to admit, I own a few pairs myself. But to see a lot (and i mean a WHOLE lot) of 'em in one place... that's.... that's just plain freaky. (I would've said bizarre but then again, not every one understands the strange world i live in. Uh-huh. Waaaaay different than yours.)

You know what's funny? After seeing a lot of pointed shoes, my twisted mind came up with an idea on how we could battle terrorism without having to spend a single dime. (We don't have a single dime anyway!)

It's like this...

Since 9 out of 10 women in the Philippines own a pair (or two) of pointed shoes (so pointed, it should be illegal.), we round 'em all up, let 'em wear their "pointies" (oooooo...k. i'm not sure if that's even a word.) All they hafta do is kick those terrorists' arses with 'em pointies. I'm sure the mere view of all 'em pointies in one place would scare those sissy-ass terrorists off.

PRACTICAL, ain't it?

Oh gawd I'm WEIRD.

*******
twisted twisted twisted

sorry for being such a big girl's blouse.

2005-07-03T16:44:00.000+09:00

so we saw this movie, "If Only," today and i can't believe how much effect it has on me.

yes, it's a love story but not your typical, cliche, a-dime-a-dozen mushy flick. it's about a guy who loses his girlfriend to a car accident right after they had a fight and almost breaks up, gets a chance to relive the day all over again.

oh... ok. so the plot seems like the cliche kind. but u hafta believe me on this. it's a good, GREAT even, movie. couples, friends,and singles alike should watch this. especially those who think love is just for sissies, and wusses, and a whole other names you might wanna call em. and oh, for those couples who doesn't tire of arguing endlessly too.

one thing that prolly made me love this movie more is the fact the i could relate to samantha andrews (jennifer love hewitt). not that i'm in a relationship right now. it's... it's the way how she looked at love. how she thought, one should love.

at one point, her boyfriend, Ian Wyndham (paul nicholls), tells her that he knows that their relationship is on the rocks but he got to talk with a cab driver (i know, weird) about loving and relationships and he realizes he wanted to, "soldier on" and that he really adores her. sam got back at him saying that she didn't wana "soldier on" and that she don't wana be "adored" but "loved." she said it with so much conviction it almost made me wanna call this one guy and..... oh ok, i shouldnt've gone there.

although at first you'd think the boyfriend was an ass, he definitely made up for it on the second half of the movie. ah... to find a man like that would definitely be the greatest thing. the scarcity of 'em is what makes them all the more special. so if you think you already have one of 'em... never let him go. or hold onto them until you can, at least.

LOVE.

what is it

how do you love?

how should you do it?

is there a right way of doing it?

when do you know it's the real thing?

so many questions and i've yet to find the answers.

*******
"i've loved you since i met you but i wouldn't allow myself to trully feel it until today. i was always thinking ahead. making decisions out of fear. today, because of you... what i've learned from you... every choice i made was different and my life has completely changed. and i've learned that if you do that, you're living your life fully.
it doesn't matter if you have five minutes or fifty years. if not for today... if not for you... i would never have known love at all. so thank you for being the person you taught me to love... and to be loved." -ian wyndham, If Only

stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

2005-06-18T14:41:00.000+09:00

who fell in front of so many people today?

*looks around. hesitates for a bit. raises hand.*

I DID!

boohoo! i fell. nobody pushed me. hindi man lang ako natapilok. nothing was in my way. i was just walking. i was even wearing flats. flipflops. then suddenly.... WHAM! BAM! my knees hit the cement.

i picked myself up. brushed off the dirt. walked away like nothing's happened. i did NOT dare look back.

*******
so sinong lampa???

of apples and shrimps

2005-06-11T20:49:00.000+09:00

so after a few days, my "lovelife" shifted from ALMOST thriving to virtually NON-EXISTENT. and for somebody who's as jaded and had been under "kilig/sparks/mush-moments drought" for the past four years, that's.... well.... something.

i dunno if i just brought it upon myself or if there really was a reason to think i was in luuuurve. it's weird. (then again, i've ALWAYS been weird.) but you guys know how i am. and for those of you who don't.... I ASSUME. all the time. and that, ladies and gentlemen, what gets me in a lot of trouble. A WHOLE HELL LOT OF TROUBLE. that, and add a crap load of paranoia = emotional suicide.

i'm a masochist, ain't i? you know what's more weird, i think i'm actually enjoying it. this time anyway.

so i haven't heard from him for like 2 days. i shouldn't assume. but i can't help it. he doesn't like me. not kindov. not sorta. not a lil. NOT AT ALL.

*******
still not making any sense
HE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

uncombed and unruly

a different kind of calm

lesbian lovin' and then some

goodbye, crushboy.

whuuuuuuuuuuut?!

yiiiiiiiiiii.

gay love. when will it stop?

inane and inSane thoughts on christmas eve

yay for my 1st self-financed out-of-the-country trip! Day 1.

the glory years are back!

and i thought... *sigh*

what the hell?!

a rollercoaster ride

backslides, anyone?

and it's confirmed....

to hell and back...

now my fairy tale's ended.

hs reunion

hs reunion

perpetually recovering from the night before....

just a thought....

come back, please?

no more YOU... :(

and because i haven't posted in a gazillion years....

husky boys are <3.

anything you say to me TAKES ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE...

work with me people!

could this day get any worse?

toxicity reigns in the city of the dumb and dumber...

and everything else in between...

work with me people!

wake me up when MARCH ends, please.

this is going nowhere

relatively new band alert!

one kick ass night. and then some...

looking at it with my blind eye.

this is just much too funny not to post.

promises? FUCK IT.

it's about time!

who's the stupid monkey who thought about this?!?

STARBUCKS, you will pay!

if that was a joke (but i really really REALLY hope, it wasn't), never lemme lay eyes on you again.. that is, if you still wanna see the light of day.

not again, please?

"happy" holidays? YOU BET.

and i, have been rejected once more....

crap? what? oh. you.

eeeeeeek!

crazily. yeah. =P

'ya heard?

dormant

he got me kinda shocked

happy chrismakkah! (no. i'm NOT jewish.)

merry christmas to me!

girls' day out!

uhm, shut up! please?

jinxed

oh yeah?

early morning dementia

harry potter and my sister's goblet of wit... :P

another morbid, senseless act of cruelty

ooohhh... so much info.

you know, it's really not funny.

revelations

eternally bouncy

heaven sent

you could at least try.

true... oh so true.

not a good sign... not a good sign at all.

ouch.... don't make me move, please? ouch. ouch. ouch!

you weren't prepared for moi. admit it.

i can't believe it's been almost two freakin' years!

and all the "best deceptions" and the "clever cover story" awards go to you...

blistering barnacles!

yay for my friends!

a random rant

babies galore! v2.0

babies galore!

things that the singaporeans did that made me go, "WHAT THE?!"

say what?

freak the gawddarn weather.

and i thought... sigh