to hell and back...

had i known that it would be THIS painful, i wouldn'tve gone and tried to know you. not even as friends.

i haven't felt like this since that dreadful, stormy, july-tuesday. devastated. crushed. helpless. it's like pseudo-boyfriend all over again, only, worse.

i knew it was wrong to get out of the wall i so tirelessly built and get into the world again. i was ok. i was doing great... UNTIL you came along. i went out, hesitantly, of course. you were there right outside. you were nice, it was nice, and everything else was nice, and i never thought life could get any sweeter.

it wasn't.

it was still the cruel, sick, sad world i tried to turn my back from. you love and you love and you love and you love (in this case, you like and like and like and TRY to be nice) but you still beget hatred. it's cruel. it's mad. it's heartless.

i'll go get inside my wall again. build it much higher if i can. cos this thing, right here... i can take no more of this.



*******
this'll NEVER get better.