not again, please?

today leaves me the penultimate, harrowing experience of my life. yes. penultimate. nothing can beat having my tatay die in front of my very own eyes, in my very own arms, no less. this experience is quite the same thing, only the old man didn't die. (good thing!) but he ALMOST DID.

i was over at the Philippine General Hospital for a 10-AM appointment with a Medical Oncologist. Since i'm NOT one to be late on meetings and appointments i was already there a lil past nine. since it was a bit early i decided to stay near the office so that i won't have to rush when the clock struck 10. so i sat on a bench just outside the Medical Oncology Department. to my right were an old couple, waiting for their oncologist, i thought.

so i went around like i always do, fiddling with my mp3 player, oblivious to the world around me. and then it happened. the old lady beside me started slapping the man beside her, shouting, "daddy! daddy!" she slapped him so hard even manny pacquiao would get hurt. thing is, the old man didn't budge. he didn't even seem to feel or hear anything. a few more shakes and she said, "miss, pakitingin muna." by this time my mind's already in panic! (she was, too.) and then this? i knew it'd be a tad more difficult for me since i have already been through it and didn't particularly leave a good memory. what made matters worse is that when she left to get help, the man took a really deep breath and slumped on the bench! it was like putting tatay's death scene on rewind!

with my mind half in panic, half trying to keep my cool, i looked around and see if i could get help. there were at least three people to my left, asked them if there was a nurse around or a doctor or anyone. they weren't budging! they knew the man was in a difficult state but they weren't doing anything to help. they looked like they were getting worried but that didn't mean they'd exert any effort to get help. as for me, i can't leave the man alone. what if he slumps on the floor instead? i can't leave him.

good thing his wife got back with a doctor on tow. im sure it was a good three minutes. you'd think it was quite a short time? HAH. you have no idea!

the doctor was calm, way too calm if you ask me, almost bordering on indifferent. he must've gone through alot of this scenes in his life, as would any other doctor, but the human in me says no amount of a person-dying-in-front-of-you scenes could EVER make me used to it. he was giving the patient a really slight shake with an almost unhearable, "tatay?tatay?." he looked to the wife and he said, "dalhin nyo na sha diretso sa emergency room." again, in an indifferent tone. i was like, "what the hell?! can't you see she's helpless? she looked like she's gonna faint herself! why can't you at least be a gentleman and help her carry her husband over to the ER?!"

the thing that made this experience more sad is the fact that we were already inside a hospital. up until the man gained consciousness, not one nurse or orderly came with a stretcher or a wheelchair, at least. and the doctors on the scene, tsk, they couldn't be much more indifferent. except for that one doctor who happened to pass by, 5 minutes after the patient lost consciousness, and tried to see if he could do anything to help. he didn't leave until he saw that the man will be alright. he didn't leave eventhough there was already a doctor attending to the old man.

i am not blaming for the attending doctor to act that way. i'm pretty sure he was just trying to keep his composure. for all i know he could've done something to contact the patient's own oncologist, whom they were waiting for to see, as the same came a lil over 10 minutes after the patient gained his consciousness.

a lil more compassion, a lil more empathy and im sure this experience wouldnt've been as harrowing as it was. a lil more action from the hospital personnel and things could've been a lil better.


*******
i miss you, tatay.
please look after me like you always did.
mr. old-man-who-almost-died-in-front-of-me,
may God bless and watch over you always.