a different kind of calm

03 February 2007

Snake Island, Honda Bay, Palawan

palawan had always been my sanctuary. it's the first place i run to when i'm sick and tired of the circus that is my life. it's there where i clear my thoughts and somewhat re-boot that crazy, curly, contraption that's inside my head. it's there that i always find peace... that most sought after calm. it's not clear why it has been that way. it just always has.

i've always said that sea, sand, and sun can make the bitchiest part of me turn into a mellow emo wretch. but it can't be just any sea, sand, and sun. it has to be in that long stretch of islands southwest of manila.

palawan has always been there for me and had always welcomed me with wide open arms. it's embraced me in ways i didn't even know possible. and for that, i'll always be grateful.

lesbian lovin' and then some

partying til the wee hours in the morning for two straight days, then bowling sunday night isn't gonna feel as much fun the monday after. my head hurts. my back hurts (this is still from yoga.). and everything else hurts. i can't function normally (when've i ever anyway?) and im feeling all lazy, it hurts.

well of course i had fun. clubbing with cousins and friends... always fun times. clubbing friday night was a bit odd though. jaipur, the fort. not my usual club but what the heck. two men boys asked if they could dance with me. i didn't actually say yes but i guess for them silence means yes. so we danced, wait, can i say i felt really harrassed? gahd. i mean, i'm ok if you dance with me but if you start holding me tight... hold me alil, then that's ok. but holding me tight, that's where i draw the line. i felt really violated. call me prude but damn you, that was just NOT RIGHT. t'was a good thing my cousin marc was there to do the "cock walk" for me. it was disturbing dancing with my cousin but t'was way better than dancing with some random stranger who likes to hold equally random strangers tight. oh gawd, i need to disinfect.

then saturday night with my hs friends at embassy-cuisine. i think i liked it better there than embassy. twas more laid-back. it has your usual alkies, house music, but with more chairs and not really that much people in there. aaaaaaaand... i found my drink. yes ladies and gentlemen, this non-alcoholic-drinks-please-just-water miss, found her martini glass. again, thanks to my alcoholic of a cousin, marc. haha. he ordered midori sour for me and i loved it. no hint of alcohol at all. not in the taste, didn't have a hint of allergy (which i get from vodka cruisers all the time), no trace of it being an alcoholic beverage at all!

it was fun. laid-back fun. of course, no clubbing night would be complete without "lesbian luuurve" from the girlfriends. i think our guy friends, and some random club guys had a field day when they saw five lovely ladies gyrating like there's no tomorrow. i have no problem with that, whatsoever. just don't touch me. you can stare all you want boys, but no touching please! :)

i'm trying to learn this new hip movement gail (angel's cousin) was trying to teach me. she said it would really be hot if i could do it. she got impressed that i can move my hips like that (thank you belly dancing, body jam, and body balance!). i was trying to teach her "my moves" as well. she's gooooooood. got it the first time.

i got home around 5am-ish on those two days. gahd. that was fun. we MIGHT go back again wednesday cos i think they got bitin. it'll be embassy this time and not embassy-cuisine. i liked CUISINE better. still thinking about it if we'll go. we have an early morning flight to palawan on thursday. my partyphile cousin wants to go. we'll see how that goes.

anyway, i think i should go na. this is rather long already, not that i have anything to do after this. pics will be up soon. all the pictures were taken with marc's cam and stupid ass that he is, he left the camera jack in the states. so no posting til feb 15th. bummer, right?

ciao lovelies!

goodbye, crushboy.

earthlings, hear me.

this is going to be the LAST time i'm gonna talk about "crushboy." yes, i said it's gotta stop and it's gonna stop now. well, after this anyway.

like what i've said, i dunno what got me into him. well, not really "into", but like you know.. ah geez. you know what i mean. i got my answer today. while watching him on his combat class (dance class was next. i told you i'd OGLE.) i noticed something. and yes, i think that's what draws women, not just me by the way, to him.

it's THE dimples.

the almost unnoticeable dimples. it's something you wouldn't know it's there, unless you were looking for it. girly girls only get a glimpse of it every so often but hey, it's there. and it's cute. and i love it. (Note: IT.)

and i got to talk with him today. well, not like heart-to-heart, but yeah... we talked. got his phone number too. nice, right? NOT REALLY. i learned that he has a girlfriend, which, makes him off limits. we know how it feels like falling for somebody, or even just "liking" somebody, who likes somebody else right? not only is it retarded, but it's damn right hurtful too. so yeah. he's off-limits.

and that, too, is the reason why this is going to be the LAST time that i spoke of him. if at anytime you catch me talking about him ever again, please feel free to kick me in the arse. and gimme a conk in the head while you're at it too.

goodbye, crushboy. i hope you have a good life.
(yeah, like i'm not gonna see you ever again. pfft.)



this is stupid.

whuuuuuuuuuuut?!

hello earthlings.

im updating at the gym, again, while waiting for my hiphop class at 6:25. internet terminal's empty so i thought, why not. right?

i got in 5:30, dressed up, and went straight to the clients' lounge. i knew crushboy had an earlier class so i just thought i'd ogle. yes, earthlings. OGLE.

so i was looking inside the studio looking for that familiar hair, and that not-so-cute-face (but adorable still anyway.) i can't find it. no one on the stage? then the mob moved i saw that familiar face but aaaaaaack!

CRUSHBOY HAD A HAIRCUT!

what the hell?!

i told you this crush is retarded. and so does he. well, he at least looks like one. ack.



what the hell is happening?!

yiiiiiiiiiii.

i got home around 10 and feasted on liempo and lechon manok! then binged on chocolate. twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix! so much for that gym/diet thing!

dance class was... just WONDERFUL. saw him earlier (see my previous email) and got to stare for a long time. boy crazy, am i not? wait. scratch that. dancing boy crazy, oh yes, that's what i am. hehe. come to think of it, it's really retarded. i don't even like how the boy looks like. i just wanna see him dancing. and that move he does when he sees everyone's getting really tired. what a turn on! haha.

the cousins want to watch "Rob-B-hood" tomorrow. BUUUUUUUUT... there's hiphop class tomorrow. i can't pass that up. I WON'T. just suggested that we watch on friday. i hope that works. they actually wanted to see two movies. so, no gym on friday. that's ok. i think. he's not there so... haha. oh gawd. I. AM. SUCH. A. RETARD.

mmkay, im'a start shutting up now. and i need my beauty sleep. geez. i just hope this puyat/pagod/trying to diet (at least) thing works. im not wasting moolah on stuff that wont work anyway.

gay love. when will it stop?

i'm straight.

so i got my fat ass back to the gym and had been taking dance classes. i dunno if it's working, i wouldnt know for sure yet since i'm just in my 3rd week. it's been fun. no, scratch that. it's been HELLA fun. like what the gym credo says, "motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going." and hell yeah, when i say it's starting to become a habit. i look forward to dance class every freakin' day and it's starting to get scary. haha.

at first i though i wouldn't like it, i mean sure, for the first week i'd be excited. but that's as far as my relationship with gym goes. excited the first week, then not really interested the next. but this, whoa boy, excited every freakin' day. i like that i get my dose of booty shakin' without having to go to clubs or events, and oh yeah, the pretty boys too. pretty boys who can dance. pretty boys who can REALLY dance. i have cute dance instructors, what can i say?!

so i like this one guy and had been looking forward to his classes (hiphop groove, anyone? :D). but then yesterday, the Almighty sent me more blessings! 'twas the launching of the new remixes and instructors from all over the place were there. more dancing pretty boys for excited lil booty-shakin' addicts like me. and one boy caught my eye. aside from the first boy, yes. he was there too. more eye candies! anyway, he was wearing this green (talk about destiny! lol. babaw.) jersey and at first i was like, "another hihop-er. pfft." but then the music started and he started moving and im like, "wow." with matching mouth dropping ha. hahaha. yeah, im pathetic like that.

it was all high intensity. we had songs from sexy back to london bridge to those new pop/hiphop songs that you can dance to. they interact with the clients which made it more fun and made it look more like a club than gym class. so to make the long story short, cute boy #2 danced with me. *kilig* i told you im pathetic like that. hahaha.

so after class, i took my shower and then waited outside the lockers for my friend. and waddayaknow, cute boy was there talking to somebody on his mobile phone. so i took a seat on the bench, pretended not to care, but getting kilig on the inside anyway. there i was, minding my own business when he came up to me and asked, " ma'am did you enjoy the class?" and boy, can you just imagine the look on my face? giddy and smiling and ahhhh... pure geekiness. :)) of course i din't want him thinking i'm a ditz so i smiled and quickly replied, "yes, very." to which, i really wanted to say, "you're cute. wanna date?" lol. im kidding. and then he said, " that's good. i hope to see you in the next class. btw, i'm raven." and me goes, "that's for sure. i'm claude" and he reached out his hand for a handshake. i could just die right there and then. hahaha. my gehd. sobrang babaw.

but then it hit me. i was listening, okay eavesdropping, while he was on the phone. the way he talked he sounded like he was a cross between conyo-sounding kids to malandi. and yes, bordering on gay. GAH. and y'all know i have this unspoken relationship with gay people. yes people, i have a certain affinity to them. not that it's a bad thing. i mean, i'm not saying he's gay but what are the chances? my gehd. would we still be gay if we ended up together? ahahaha. sobrang advance. labo.

i'm just in the first month of the year and i'm already like this. WHAT THE HELL?!

inane and inSane thoughts on christmas eve

it's 15 minutes before 8, christmas eve day, i've just had dinner (a cup of instant la paz batchoy!), and it started to dawn on me that i have much too many inane thoughts that i have to write it up on my blog.

let's start it off with simbang gabi. i have completed all the dawn masses, (oh yes, all nine mornings! no anticipated masses for me.) eversince i started three years ago. and i almost did not complete this year's cos i kindov wore myself out yesterday and overslept. good thing i woke up just a few minutes before 5 and was able to reach the mass. can you just imagine me almost crying when i woke up and saw the time? my dad was beside me and he just said, "hindi, tumunog alarm mo eh." and i go, "uy, casual na casual lang ah. kainis naman. sana ginising ako di ba?" while stopping myself from crying (all in my head, of course). my gehd. totally juvenile. :))

and yeah, i started gym yesterday. i was thinking about it for months now. usually, i dont give gym much thought and i just enrol myself. but this one needed alot of thinking. y'all know that i don't earn much and expenses more than Php 1,000 is too much for me. but then i saw myself in the mirror and told myself that i have to do this. well, you know how my head works so it's more of, "do this or die!". with "DIE" still echoing in the background until it fades. i gained back the weight i've lost for over two years. no thanks to this year's uber sedentary lifestyle. so yeah. now i'm obliged to pay Php 2,500 smackers for gym every month, for 12 months. there goes saving up.

then there's the REVELATION. up until now, i dunno how i'm taking it. as of now, i'm ok with it. still in denial, i guess. not to mention that i feel that it hasn't really sunk in yet. of course i'm worried but hey, there's really nothing that i can do, is there? we're leaving it all up to the Lord. i know He knows that we can pass through this. just a bump in the road, that's what i always say.

it's half past 8 and i have to go. i still need to wrap my uncle's present for his wife. kamusta naman. ako talaga pinag-wrap. hrmf. but what the heck, i'll just say it's MY gift to her. hehehe. sabihin ko "sa akin galing." ako naman talaga nagbigay di ba? ako nag-abot. 'di nga lang ako bumili. hehehe.

so before i forget.......

A Blessed Christmakkah to Everyone! :D

yay for my 1st self-financed out-of-the-country trip! Day 1.

we left gray, moldy manila tonight. of course, there were a few glitches (gawddarn you cebu pacific!) but yeah we successfully made it to beautiful HK.

everything happens for a reason, right? see, we bought our tickets early july. shiyyeeah, we were THAT excited. and as soon as we got our turn to the check-in counter, cebu pacific lady says... "we only have 3 seats left. oh wait.. no. there are no more seats left." my jaw just dropped and my blood pressure spiked up. rach and i got seats but the thing is, jeff and joanne (we will be staying at joanne's family's flat) who are next to us in line aren't checked in yet. there were about four more people in our line and about three more on the line beside us. we looked for the supervisor and asked what chances we have that we'd leave that night. eh siyempre naiinis na ako cos im really psyched for this trip tapos ganun lang?!

after much "it's not our fault that you overbooked your flight! this is stupid.'s" supervisor in rent-a-crappy-suit suit (hey, it really is crappy. two sizes big for him. REALLY.) says, "we'll try to get you in the cathay pacific flight. it leaves 8:30pm." jeff immediately says, "brod, make sure that you get us four in that flight. our friends are already checked in your flight but are willing to give it up if you can assure us that we'd get to the next flight out." sabay bulong, "ayos dun sa cathay. full meal at may tv pa. eh sa cebu we'd be lucky if we even get cold sandwiches."

so antay-antay and the next thing we know, we're lining up for the cathay flight. yay for cebu pacific's inefficiency, yay! hahahaha.

the two hours on the plane was a blur, which is a good thing since im pretty psyched/excited and im usually irritable and impatient when im like that. i have managed to stop myself from asking rach "are we there yet?" 10945735862395602160 times. that would've been really fun though. :)) watched CSI during the flight and filled myself up with plane food (afritada with rice, calamansi juice, fruit salad consisting of dragonfruit, apples, and watermelon, and bread and butter).


CAMWHORE AND HER CAREBEAR ON BOARD!

after two hours, we landed in HK. kamusta naman at nilampaso ng HK airport ang NAIA?! train inside the airport? hello. if i'd gone there by myself, i swear i would've gotten lost. the airport was soooo big, it's a whole city in itself. super linis, and super spacious. i think even mr. monk would live there.



AIRPORT PICTURES! SO KAMUSTA NAMAN ANG NAIA?!

joanne's parentals picked us up at the airport. funny bunch, they are! eto pa ang funny, while walking out, i saw oliver's super sandwiches and gasped. hahaha. kala tuloy nila kung napano ako. heyyyy, i havent been to oliver's in ages. so don't blame me. :P

TITA ELNA aka "TITA WINNER" AND TITO JOSE aka "TITO LOVE" CHITONGCO

tapos when we got outside, they pointed to something and said, "that's what we're riding."

DOUBLE-DECKER BUSES! WE RODE BUS E34. ROUTE HEADS TO YUEN LONG, NEW TERRITORY,WHICH IS GOING TO BE OUR HOME FOR THE NEXT FIVE FUN DAYS!

Ahahahaha. ang kulet di ba? sobrang na-excite ako. and while lining up for the bus, jeff blurted out, "ang lakas pala ng appeal mo sa americans 'no? sa naia pa lang iba na tingin sa yo ng kano na nagpapa-shoeshine eh. sunod talaga ng tingin eh. tapos nung boarding, ung kano na nasa harap natin tingin ng tingin sa 'yo. as in lumilingon pa sa likod." and i go, "so what are you saying? mukha akong katulong?! di ba ganun mga trip nun?" (i sure hope not to get hate mail for that dialogue. eh totoo naman di ba? the more probinsyana the look, the more appealing to them. :)) )

about 30 minutes of gasping, and getting amazed by buildings (oh yeah im a big FOB! loud and proud, baby!) and skylines, we reached joanne's place. it's a typical HK flat. they said it's actually bigger than normal (two bathrooms, three bedroom). and what's fun about it, below the condominiums is a mall. how more amazing can that get?! hahaha.

rach and i are roomies. jeff stayed in the other room. and joanne stayed with her parentals. i love our room! a room with a view ika nga. goodness. sana lang i really had a room like this. lookie!

THE VIEW FROM "OUR" ROOM. CAMWHORE AND CAREBEAR ARE AT IT AGAIN!

so yeah, that was the ballpark of my first night in HK.

*******

eto na..

eto na...

eto na haaaa....

updated 10nov06.

the glory years are back!

We CAME...

We GROWLED....

We CONQUERED.

VIVA LA LIGA DE TOMASINO!

*******
i have never been SO PROUD.