promises? FUCK IT.

i am never gonna believe promises anymore. the thing about it being made to be broken? SO TRUE.

it doesn't matter where or from whom the promise came from. bottomline: I'M NEVER BELIEVING PROMISES EVER AGAIN.

i've been hurt by broken promises much too many times, it's not even funny. i won't even go into details.

so. no promises to me anymore. you COULD try. i won't believe it anyway.


*******
another plan?
at least may plan.
nakakadisappoint 'pag di natutuloy eh.

it's about time!

starbucks planner made an unexpected appearance at Starbucks Paseo de Roxas-Ayala Ave. branch. yes, ladies and gents, i now have the most coveted planner. yey! (note the sarcasm, thankyouverymuch.)

excitement for the said planner got preempted by the long wait. guess it'll just hafta gather dust in my cabinet, huh?

'tarbucks planner and other abandoned writing stuff can go gather dust in my trusty cabinet together.

oh what fun, huh?


*******
it'll pass. it WILL.

who's the stupid monkey who thought about this?!?

i KNOW you're all gonna agree with me when i say it's a STUPID idea to parade manny pacquiao all around the metro.

gahd. aren't you guys even thinking?!

manila traffic is crazy as it is and you're adding this??? great. just GREAT.

and hello???? FRIDAY... does that ring a bell?! quiapo's already in deep-bumper-to-bumper-shit. and today, it's just gonna get worse. hell, yeah.

if you think i'm ranting away now, imagine how those quiapo-bound-south-of-the-metro (aka, las pinas/p'que/alabang/muntinlupa) people must be feeling. i bet they're all cursing like sailors just about now. i passed by roxas blvd this morning, and the quiapo-bound road is NIGHTMARE. nothing's moving. nothing. zilch. zero. nada. i bet if you put an ant there, the poor lil thing won't be even able to move those tiny, tiny feet of his.

and you know what's even greater about it? aside from the manny pacquiao thing, there's this statue unveiling of doy laurel in pedro gil. yep, pedro gil. same street as the Hyatt Hotel where THE manny "the pacman" pacquiao is billeted. (note the sarcasm, please.) so if you could just imagine OB... vans from different tv and radio stations, the "team pacquiao" convoy (no shit.), the mob of hagad traffic officers (yep, the one always leading the funeral er... entourage? hehehe.) add to that the stupid politicians' convoys who wanted to join the circus that is manny pacquiao's parade, all parked in this tiny, tiny, minute parking area then you'll know EXACTLY what im talking about.

not to mention that the visitors, the band, the whatevers are sitting in the middle of the street. oh, yes! beautiful-gowns-with-matching-imeldific-coifed-hairs-clad-women/barong-tagalog-clad men, not to mention mayor-atienza-in-oh-so-fiery-red-flowery-polo, all sitting in the middle of the street. they left this itsy-bitsy-space on the road that let's one... let me say it again, ONE... no, that doesn't do it... one more try... ONE freaking' car at a time to pass that busy, busy, and oh did i mention BUSY?, highway. imagine, they're all stuck in the shit dump that is roxas blvd.??? kamusta naman uuuuun?!

so yeah. if you're thinking of going out today, think about it twice. err... thrice... a thousand times even. if you think it's worth all the hassle then go.

don't get me wrong though. it makes me proud that manny pacquiao beat the hell out of that train-wreck erik morales (in your face! boo yeah!), putting the Philippines on the top of the boxing heirarchy. but naman. never in the life of me thought that it'd be THIS MUCH of a hassle. ilagay nyo nlng sha sa luneta tApos dun sha puntahan ng tao. o kaya sa esplanade sa macapagal highway nang di naman nakakaabala, di ba?

yun lang.


*******
you backed out.
YOU LOSE.

STARBUCKS, you will pay!

SCREW YOU STARBUCKS !!!!!

how dare you NOT be prepared with our well-deserved planners?! how in the world did you have the guts to still open stores when you cannot provide us the things you've promised to give but haven't?! your memo said 3rd-freakin-week-of-freakin'-JANUARY! ok then, we waited for 3-gawddarn-weeks. but what the hell?! it's almost february and not a planner in sight!

i've been to six (6) 'tarbucks and not a single one has a planner! (ayala,sm north, bf homes, west ave., congressional ave., robinson's ermita) what the hell is wrong with you people?!

after forcing ourselves to chug down on over-priced coffee, not to mention the amount of caffeine we guiltily forced our bodies to ingest, this is what you give back to us? so much for taking care of your customers!

screw you! if i were to die now because of caffeine overdose, i will force my coffee-filled-ass outta my grave and make you pay.

give us our planners or suffer the consequences.

it'll be hell, you hear? HELL.


*******
geeez.

if that was a joke (but i really really REALLY hope, it wasn't), never lemme lay eyes on you again.. that is, if you still wanna see the light of day.

isn't it ironic that the very same day a frightful experience left me scared shitless would leave me a lil on the giddy/frisky/butterflies-in-my-tummy as well?

i MAY have something on valentine's. after eons and eons and eons of years, almost getting cynical (boo, jaded me. boo!) when it comes to the heart's day, here is.... something.

i am not getting my hopes up, as i always screw up when i do. but i really really REALLY hope it pushes through.

(oooh, that rhymes! oh fudge it. this lil thing called cheesy-ness always makes me rhyme! rarrrrr!)

i'm kindov diggin' it. sort of. so, yeah. we'll see what happens.

wish me luck! wish me lots of it!


*******
err... what are we talking about?

not again, please?

today leaves me the penultimate, harrowing experience of my life. yes. penultimate. nothing can beat having my tatay die in front of my very own eyes, in my very own arms, no less. this experience is quite the same thing, only the old man didn't die. (good thing!) but he ALMOST DID.

i was over at the Philippine General Hospital for a 10-AM appointment with a Medical Oncologist. Since i'm NOT one to be late on meetings and appointments i was already there a lil past nine. since it was a bit early i decided to stay near the office so that i won't have to rush when the clock struck 10. so i sat on a bench just outside the Medical Oncology Department. to my right were an old couple, waiting for their oncologist, i thought.

so i went around like i always do, fiddling with my mp3 player, oblivious to the world around me. and then it happened. the old lady beside me started slapping the man beside her, shouting, "daddy! daddy!" she slapped him so hard even manny pacquiao would get hurt. thing is, the old man didn't budge. he didn't even seem to feel or hear anything. a few more shakes and she said, "miss, pakitingin muna." by this time my mind's already in panic! (she was, too.) and then this? i knew it'd be a tad more difficult for me since i have already been through it and didn't particularly leave a good memory. what made matters worse is that when she left to get help, the man took a really deep breath and slumped on the bench! it was like putting tatay's death scene on rewind!

with my mind half in panic, half trying to keep my cool, i looked around and see if i could get help. there were at least three people to my left, asked them if there was a nurse around or a doctor or anyone. they weren't budging! they knew the man was in a difficult state but they weren't doing anything to help. they looked like they were getting worried but that didn't mean they'd exert any effort to get help. as for me, i can't leave the man alone. what if he slumps on the floor instead? i can't leave him.

good thing his wife got back with a doctor on tow. im sure it was a good three minutes. you'd think it was quite a short time? HAH. you have no idea!

the doctor was calm, way too calm if you ask me, almost bordering on indifferent. he must've gone through alot of this scenes in his life, as would any other doctor, but the human in me says no amount of a person-dying-in-front-of-you scenes could EVER make me used to it. he was giving the patient a really slight shake with an almost unhearable, "tatay?tatay?." he looked to the wife and he said, "dalhin nyo na sha diretso sa emergency room." again, in an indifferent tone. i was like, "what the hell?! can't you see she's helpless? she looked like she's gonna faint herself! why can't you at least be a gentleman and help her carry her husband over to the ER?!"

the thing that made this experience more sad is the fact that we were already inside a hospital. up until the man gained consciousness, not one nurse or orderly came with a stretcher or a wheelchair, at least. and the doctors on the scene, tsk, they couldn't be much more indifferent. except for that one doctor who happened to pass by, 5 minutes after the patient lost consciousness, and tried to see if he could do anything to help. he didn't leave until he saw that the man will be alright. he didn't leave eventhough there was already a doctor attending to the old man.

i am not blaming for the attending doctor to act that way. i'm pretty sure he was just trying to keep his composure. for all i know he could've done something to contact the patient's own oncologist, whom they were waiting for to see, as the same came a lil over 10 minutes after the patient gained his consciousness.

a lil more compassion, a lil more empathy and im sure this experience wouldnt've been as harrowing as it was. a lil more action from the hospital personnel and things could've been a lil better.


*******
i miss you, tatay.
please look after me like you always did.
mr. old-man-who-almost-died-in-front-of-me,
may God bless and watch over you always.

"happy" holidays? YOU BET.

(to anybody who cares... ENJOY!)

this is what happens if you get chug-a-happy during the holidays. had one too many vodka cruisers... you think? ^_^

*******
it hurts but i got no other choice
BUT to deal...

and i, have been rejected once more....

me: oh, hi. uhm... do you have plans on saturday night?
him: anong date yun? (*muttering to himself*) 21? tpos sa 2* birthday ni *** tpos sa 2* si.....
him: anong meron?
me: ah... eh... (*hesitates for a moment and then...*) invite sana kita. videoke party ni *******. i'm allowed to bring a friend... one friend. eh since i haven't seen you for the longest time, i thought of you. so what do you think?
him: uhmm... kse... (*still muttering to himself*) eh kse di ba birthday nga sa 2* tpos yung isa sa 2*... MAGPAPRACTICE AKO MAGBAKE NG CAKE... eh kse exams pag blahblahblahblah.... lhat naman ginagawan ko ng cake. tanong mo pa kay ****...
me: (*interrupting mid-sentence*) ah, ok. (at the back of my head: LAHAT?! asan yung cake ko?!)
him: sorry talaga kasi alam mo naman.... blahblahblahblah explains some more blahblahblahblah...
me: ok lang. no worries.
him: *still blabbering away*
me: no. seriously, it's ok.
him: explainexplainexplainexplain...
me: HEY! STOP! I SAID IT'S OK. YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN COS IT'S OK. REALLY. WHY ARE YOU EXPLAINING ANYWAY?! BZZZT. STOP. SHHHH. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. IT'S OK. (*all these while he's still explaining on the background*)

"magpapractice ako mag-bake ng cake."

wtf?! no, seriously. what the FUCK?!

i would've appreciated it more if you were a tad bit more honest and told me that you don't want to go because (1) you don't wanna be with me. (2) you don't do videoke. (3) you don't want to go with me. (4) you need your rest cos hell week had just left you like a rotten banana. and... did i say "you don't wanna be with me" already?!

in fairness to you, that one's really unique. nothing like anything i've heard before. and to think im the queen of rejection! i cannot think of anybody else who could pull off something like that. yeah.

i know. it's my fault. it's ALL my fault. i screwed up. and i screwed up BIG TIME. that's why i'm trying to make up for everything. all the stupidity, idiot-isms, moron-ness and whatnots. i hope you're seeing all my efforts though. cos im really trying. im trying really really REALLY HARD to at least bring something back. to bring at least a lil from what we used to have back. and it hurts that reality's kickin me in the ass, HARD, with you not even realizing that im putting the heck of an effort. im trying yet i still SUCK at it.

boo me.


*******
im the worst friend. EVER.

crap? what? oh. you.

today was a very, very, very tiring day. not to mention that it's also unproductive. gah. i knew i shouldnt've depended on 'em. but it's not like i have any other choice. double gah. they promised they'd work on it tomorrow. well, they better. grrrr. i hate working with difficult people. only I have the right to be difficult. hell yeah. hehehe.

and can i say to these doctors (most specifically the specialists), stop acting like you're god cos you're not. geez. you guys need to work on your people skills.

people = jobs = moolah, therefore, people = moolah. shit on your patients'/reps/secretaries heads and we'll see who'll be eating shit. HELL YEAH.

yeah yeah, you came from a really good school. heck. you even studied abroad. but please, please don't let me think that you messed up all your values education classes. and don't even give me that i'm-gorgeous-i-can-be-shitty-as-often-as-i-want-cos-i-can-get-away-with-it. don't even get me started on that.

wouldn't it be nice if you'd be remembered as that nice-and-gorgeous-doc-that-helped-me rather than that-crap-eating-shitty-face-of-a-quack-dumdum???

i know you're busy. everyone is. you could at least try to be nice. heck you can even just act like you're nice if you're really a shitface.

GAAAAAAH.

one more day and i can rest.

then after the weekend it's back to shitland. grrr.

oh well.


*******
tinginingining naman oh!

eeeeeeek!

one more!!! just one freakin' sticker and you're all mine 'tarbucks 2006 planner!!! all mine you hear?!?!?!

bwahahahaha!!!

i.
am.
such.
a.
NERD.

gah.

who wants a 'tarbucks treat on the 29th?! hell yeah, on me.
(of course you wouldn't know that there's a free bev voucher on the planner cos i dint tell you. =D)


*******
'yo ernie
it's 'yo bathtime...
we gonna party
cos it's 'yo bathtime...

crazily. yeah. =P

2 more freakin' stickers and i'm good to go! woot! still thinking if i'd go to 'tarbucks today and get myself a cup (or two! =P). anybody who wants to go with me? so yeah. two more, baby!

--------------

the past two days have been crazy. i could not even imagine what's coming in the next few days. i told you it's gonna be hell. and the heck i'm right!

i have planned everything out for the week and waddaya know... it's already been wrecked. crazy ass schedule would definitely make go loco.

--------------

so he's here. and everyone's gonna be here too, i heard. but i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna see them, if not sure-sure. sigh. i'm not really expecting them to waste their time on me, but still. it's really making me sad. i dunno why, but yeah.

i'm weird. oh yes, i am.


*******
yeah? yeah.