husky boys are <3.

REX "sexy rexy" NAVARRETE is <3.

and to think i almost missed this show. aaaack!

he made me laugh so hard, it felt like i've laughed my guts all over the place.

i went home from work feeling like a loser, with matching "L" marked on my forehead, cos i know i'll be missing one heck of a show. when i got home, i ate a lil, sat by the sofa and just stared at the ceiling. then the clouds opened up, handed me the phone and dial-a-friend i go.

me: hey, you.
Hunky Daddy: hey, claude.
me: uhm, you still sleeping?
HD: uhm, yeah. but it's ok.
me: i told ate not to wake you up. grrr.
HD: it's ok. what's up?
me: i wanna see rex navarrete.
HD: me too!
me: let's watch!
HD: isn't the ticket like, 500 bucks? meron pa ba?
me: (excited) hey, i'll get back at you. i'll just call sm cinema and check.

a few minutes later......

me: get dressed NOW!!!!!
HD: huh?!
me: tickets are still available. i'm running there now so i could get tickets before they run out. i'm just gonna change clothes then i'm going.
HD: now? ang aga pa.
me: it's 5:30. we might run outta tickets!!!! tumayo ka na jan and get dressed! come on! so that we'll have time to have dinner pa.
HD: ok.

it pays to have friends who are as equally weird as you are. having the same quirks have its benefits to ya know. if it weren't for that, i would've missed this one. and i could've slashed my wrists out of boredom if i hadn't gone.

i don't care if it had costed me 500 smackers for a 2-hour show. it's a small price to pay for the amount of stress it had relieved, believe me. not to mention that that includes a 300-peso audio cd, popcorn, and soda. so that means i basically paid a hundred bucks for the show. it's just sooo worth it.

laughing, hard at that, for two straight hours does your body wonders. it did me.


*******
we can pack anything.
you bring it here, we'll pack it.
we can even pack it in front of you.

the hardest animal to pack is the fighting rooster.
in the philippines, we call it the fighting "cock"
it's difficult to pack a fighting cock.

sometimes, we are so busy,
there are sheets everywhere.
so i always tell my workers,
pack that sheet!
you pack that sheet!

nothing gets packed without my knowledge.

anything you say to me TAKES ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE...

you know you're getting old when radio starts to play the songs you know, love, and have memorized by heart on days when they play OLD songs.

for most stations, it's wednesdays. for others i think, friday. so there i was at the back of the van half asleep earphones to my, uh, ears when rx started to play "rollin'" by limp bizkit. i thought to myself, it's a wednesday why the hell are they playing THIS song when they're supposed to be playing OLD songs???

and then it hit me.

rollin' is AN old song. it was new when i was in college. fred durst was famous when i was in college. (i dunno about now, i havent heard anything about him in ages.) limp bizkit kicked major rock ass when i was in college. WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE. darn. and like adding insult to injury, they played "one step closer " by linkin park after. wuuuuuuuut?!

i keep forgetting that i'm almost 23, out of college, and already working. i keep forgetting that i no longer ask for moolah from the 'rents (although sometimes i do when i could still mooch something from them. yeah. that's bad. BITE ME. :P) and anything happening to me now isn't necessarily influenced or decided by mum and dad.

sigh.

why don't i feel like i've grown then? 22. darn. i feel like im stuck at 13. still clueless about alot of things and going about stuff on my own isn't helping at all. i don't feel i've matured in any way, much less grown indepedent. it may look like i am, but seriously, I'M FREAKIN' NOT.


*******
i have A SHITLOAD of issues you can't even imagine.
SERIOUSLY.

I watch how the moon
sits in the sky in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesn't give light to the moon
assuming the moon’s going to owe it one

It makes me think of how you act to me
You do favors and then rapidly
You just turn around
and start asking me about things
you want back from me

I'm sick of the tension
sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don’t understand
(You’ll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Maybe someday
I’ll be just like you
and step on people like you do
and run away the people
I thought I knew

I remember back then who you were
YOU used to be calm
used to be strong
Used to be generous
but you should’ve known
that you’d wear out your welcome
now you see how quiet it is
ALL ALONE

YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME
GO AWAY.

Shut up.

I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing

YOU were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs

So sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

"you deserve everything that i have given you. and maybe even more, that's why i'm giving you more. 'cos if i don't, you may never know how much you mean to me."

- September 11, 2001


5 years. it's been five years since you sent that to me. the sweetest, most thoughtful words ever said to me. it made me feel 40 kinds of joy and love, that message. i believe i had the best sleep, that night.

but it was WRONG. something in those words was wrong. the manner it was said? the "level" of love we were in when those words were said? (level of love... if there's such a thing) no. that's not it. it shouldnt've been said in the first place. you shouldnt've said it to me in the first place.

you & me. US. it never happened. there was never an "us." we were never "together." it may have felt, and to other people, it may have looked liked it, but "us" never happened. NEVER.

the dates, the conversations, the time we spent with each other. each time we held hands, each emotion i felt, the moments, even the arguments... i remember them all. each and every one of them.

was it really loved that we felt? the perfect love for the perfect couple but in the wrong time? or did we just made ourselves believe that we were in love when in fact, we weren't? OR did I make myself believe that you were in love with me but really, you weren't? maybe i knew. maybe i did. but i was just to stubborn to believe it. besides, it'd be much too painful, much too hurtful that's why i refused to believe it. maybe you knew about it too. i don't know. i will never know.

it's been years. almost 3 since we decided to "part ways", or rather, when i decided to let go. i should have gotten over it by now. but i haven't. forget about it, they all say. but can one really forget something that had made you feel cared for, loved, and happy in a million different ways? i know i can't. i tried, REAL HARD, but obviously didn't succeed.

i should let go. you, i did a long time ago. you gave up on me. i promised i would never, ever let you go. "i will never let you go. i will never let "us" go. not now, not later, not ever," i remember i'd always say to assure you that im going nowhere. and if i remember it right, you did too. but you gave up. i lost. and the only right thing to do then was to break my promise and do the thing that for me is even worse than committing suicide. letting you go was the hardest thing i ever had to do my entire life.

i really should let it go. this feeling... it's this feeling, this longing to be loved again, to be in that same position again, i should let it go.


******
it doesn't mean anything
without you here with me
cos after all is said and done
i still need you here with me...

work with me people!

this Cebu thing's getting frustrating by the minute. i didn't think doing the reservations and whatnots would take a whole hell lot of my time. not to mention running up my phone bill.

i've called room reservations at the Waterfront five freaking times and i can't get in. gahd. plus i had to call PPhA Cebu for the booking confirmation and my other inquiries but yeah, since they're not at all prepared with my questions, i had to call Waterfront myself. argh. and did i say i can't freakin' get in???

apparently, the room rate that i got would not be extended on the 18th. (special rates for convention participants) so that means i have to pay for 4000 smackers for one night. well, i could get that from my funds, but darn. it's stupid since everyone's coming in on the 18th, im sure. so why not add that as well?

and the issue about the bathroom. website says the room i got either gets a a tub or a shower. i wanna get a freakin' room with a freakin' tub! but they can't assure me that, can they? all they freakin' hafta do is tell room reservation that i wanted a tub with mine. what the hell's hard with doing that? site says that's all you need to do to get it anyway.

the reason i'm booking stuff up early is so that i would get everything i want with no fuss. and this is what i'm getting. what the hell?!

im upset and noone/nothing's gonna make it any better. GAH.


*******
you say, i only hear what i want to.
so i do.
sue me.

could this day get any worse?

and to think i was almost excited to go to work.

i got to work early cos i know i have lotsa things i need to get done. deadlines are looming and i promised myself i would finish everything by today so that if i have any problem with my submissions tomorrow, i'd still have time to rectify it WITHOUT having to cram like a confused pig just like what happened about two weeks ago.

so there i was, almost prancing down the street, then when i got to the building... BAM! steel door's still locked. steel door which i DO NOT have a key of. so i asked the guys from the other unit and this is what they said, "walang pasok ngayon, hija. hindi mo ba alam? declared holiday kaya wala pa yung mga tao sa second floor. PARANAQUE DAY." me: "huh?! taga-Quezon City po ako eh." *katoinks self*

that was when my mouth just dropped to the floor, my almost-im-happy-to-be-at-work attitude went down the drain. just like that. good thing the katiwala came a few minutes later and went to the building owner's place to get the keys.

so i went in, hoping things'll get better. man, was i wrong. the fax i was expecting, haven't received it yet. oh, yeah. this is STILL regarding the whole reservation thing. so i called cebu, AGAIN, to check and the secretary said that she was about to send me her reply. this was about 10 AM. not knowing what else to ask, i said thank you and hung up.
i went to do my stuff, which took me almost the whole day, thankyouverymuch. and then about 1 PM, phone rings and guess what... it's the reply from CEBU which she said she was just "about to send" mmkay. 3 hours. to tired to argue, clicked on the receive button, and read it. to think i swore to myself id get this reservation thing done by today. well, that obviously DID NOT happen.

i think the organizer just gave up on me and told me to coordinate directly with the hotel, instead. to think that they did not allow this before. participants have to book their rooms with the association to get the discounted price. and the wretch wins again! so, hoping to get to talk with the contact person written on the fax message i called CEBU, again, and as always, failed to talk with the person i need to. room reservation was quite accomodating though. seeing as they took note of my concerns and "promised" to forward it to the person i was looking for. they said they'd just get back to as soon as my reservation's confirmed. when's that? didja really hafta ask that?!

anyway, i figured since i'm not gonna get the reservation anytime soon, i'll go and pay for the convention registration first. i looked at my watch and saw it's almost three, so i rushed to get my things and out the office i go. the bank is a good 4 blocks from the office and i figured, if i walked as fast as i could, i could get to the bank on time. i was actually hoping id see a tricycle as soon as i get out since that would bring me there faster but alas, no tricycle in sight. waiting for one isn't an option seeing i barely have time.

there i was, almost running but trying really hard not to (cos if i did, id look really really really stupid). then one block before the bank it hit me. NO OFFICE. HOLIDAY. NO BANK. argh. i ALMOST hit myself after i realized that. GAH. so yeah. not ms. lucky today, am i?
so here i am now, ranting my guts out cos if i don't, i'll end up ripping the face off anybody that'd cross my path. morbid, you think? it's possible. believe me.


*******
so yeah.
that thing up there's kinda long.
bite me.

toxicity reigns in the city of the dumb and dumber...

things aren't getting done as planned/scheduled and it irks me like when an ant bites your tushie and you have coffee on your right hand, a sub on the right, file folders squished in between your pits while crossing the road and it itches like heck and you can do nothing about it. GAH. things NOT going my way IS getting old. man! i don't understand it. i should be used to it by now but my goodness, you can't really get used to something as irritating as that.

reservations for cebu? STILL NOT DONE. i'd called cebu this morning (2nd day, and still counting!) and the freakin' girl haven't even opened my email that i've sent TUESDAY. and it's almost FRIDAY.

WHAT
THE
HELL
IS
UP
WITH
THAT?!
UGH.

she said she'll get back to me about it as soon as she could. uh, when? NO IDEA. geeeeeez. she's getting to my nerves, really. im trying really hard not to lash out on her. and it's taking me a heckload of an effort to do that. one of these days, she'll get IT from me. i can feel it. one of these days.

and just about now, one of the distributor's pharmacists don't want to answer the thing singapore sent for them to fill out. he said he doesn't know what to put on it and was actually hoping I'd do it for him. are you freakin' serious?! what? are you so dumb you can't answer the bleepin' thing?! i know we're friends and all but work's work. i got shit of my own, you got yours. don't ask me to scratch your ass for you cos i can't even rid the itch out of mine. and hello, that's part of YOUR work which means you get paid to do it. not like i'm gonna get part of your salary for doing YOUR work. geeeeeeeez! kamusta ka naman, di ba?

aaaaargh. harpoon me. anywhere. head, preferrably. and do it fast, if possible, thankyouverymuch. either that, or slash a knife down my spine. it'll just be the same thing. thanks.

and everything else in between...

first things, first.

3? i knew it wouldn't last. 5 days IS a record. don't get me wrong. i'm NOT sad, neither am i depressed. i am actually glad it's over. well, technically, it is. exactly the same thing.
so, that's done.

next up... work. not done with the whole reservation thing yet. and the organizers haven't gotten back at me about my inquiries either. darnnit. i can't pay up unless the booking's confirmed. what the hell is wrong with these people? argh.

so, yeah. as you can see, nothing's going my way.

like anything ever did. tsss.

oh well. just another day in the life of the psychoneurotic wretch.

work with me people!

this Cebu thing's getting frustrating by the minute. i didn't think doing the reservations and whatnots would take a whole hell lot of my time. not to mention running up my phone bill.

i've called room reservations at the Waterfront five freaking times and i can't get in. gahd. plus i had to call PPhA Cebu for the booking confirmation and my other inquiries but yeah, since they're not at all prepared with my questions, i had to call Waterfront myself. argh. and did i say i can't freakin' get in???

apparently, the room rate that i got would not be extended on the 18th. (special rates for convention participants) so that means i have to pay for 4000 smackers for one night. well, i could get that from my funds, but darn. it's stupid since everyone's coming in on the 18th, im sure. so why not add that as well?

and the issue about the bathroom. website says the room i got either gets a a tub or a shower. i wanna get a freakin' room with a freakin' tub! but they can't assure me that, can they? all they freakin' hafta do is tell room reservation that i wanted a tub with mine. what the hell's hard with doing that? site says that's all you need to do to get it anyway.

the reason i'm booking stuff up early is so that i would get everything i want with no fuss. and this is what i'm getting. what the hell?!

im upset and noone/nothing's gonna make it any better. GAH.


*******
you say, i only hear what i want to.
so i do.
sue me.

wake me up when MARCH ends, please.

guess who's going to CEBU ***"cebu? b?"*** on april???

(sorry. i just had to do that. i HAD to. :D)

yeah-huh!

ME!!!

*prances around the room while shouting, "who's the man?! I'M THE MAN! Errr... WOMAN!"*

and dig this.... it's ALL EXPENSE PAID! yep. everything's already paid for. hotel accomodation (Waterfront Hotel Cebu, mind you.), roundtrip airfare (Philippine Airlines, thankyouverymuch), the whole she-bang. well, uhm, im just about to pay for it actually. but it doesn't matter cos im not like really paying-paying for it. the company will pay for it. i'll just, uhm, be the one who's gonna do the paying. but whatever! the best part is that im not gonna pay a single cent. well, except for my other expenses. but yeah, im blabbing again ain't i? whatever. you got my point? gahhhh. can't wait! can't wait! can't wait!!!

and yeah, just so you know, i did NOT win any contest. it's a part of my job. one of the perks, that is. i'm actually going on a convention, The 2006 Philippine Pharmaceutical Association National Convention. so, ok. it's not all rest and relaxation. BUT STILL. they've paid for 5 days hotel accommodation which means i'll be there from the 18th of April to the 23rd. convention's from the 19th to the 22nd. check in's at 2. im there by 4. so i have the rest of the evening to roam around cebu city on the 18th. the 19th, i'm not sure if there'd be anything we'll hafta do aside from the registration thing. so that gives me a whole heck of time again. the 20th and the 21st, i think that one's gonna be full of activities so i'll hafta do a raincheck on roaming around the city. 22nd, not sure yet. check out's by 12. flight's by 3. and the 23rd's a sunday. that gives me time to go to church. definitely attending mass in cebu. DEFINITELY.

man, i can't believe they'd allowed me to go. not that i don't deserve it. the heck they know i do. thing is, that convention's right after the holy week which means it's a vacation after a vacation! wheeeeee! hehehe. i'm not even sure if they're aware that that's the case. but yeah. whatever. i'm just going in on monday and then on tuesday, off to cebu i go! hehehe.
i heard cebu's nice. really nice. i've never been to cebu. i've thought about going there, but nothing has ever really pushed through. and now cebu, you better watch out for me. cos i'll be there and my presence would absolutely, positively, definitely be felt! yeah-huh. you better watch out for me.

i wonder if waterfront's near the beach though. cos you know, i love the beach. no. scratch that. love is an understatement. and i haven't gone in like, almost 2 years. that's a heckuva long time. but yeah. will try to swing by. and if in case it's near, definitely going there every freaking day, or night. :P speaking of which, i need to go lose weight. a whole heck alot of it and fast! nobody wants to look like rump roast in an-almost-bathing-suit, would there?
so many things to look forward to. i once saw on tv that there's this street where all the inihaw stalls are, like the hawker stalls in, uhm, where's that again? thailand? or was that singapore? anyway, they've got puso (no, not puso-heart silly. the rice inside, uhm, is that pandan?), and lechon, well, lechon, i'll pass. i don't really like lechon. (sige, may magsabi lng ng "kasi cannibalism?" uupakan ko talaga!) so i don't like lechon. bite me. and they've got a whole heck of things inihaw. yaaaay. ohmygahd. my body better get ready for cholesterol fest!

i'm too excited, it's not even funny.


*******
CEBU is DEFINITELY <333.

this is going nowhere

things aren't turning out as i've imagined them to. i'm getting frustrated by the minute and it doesn't help that he's oblivious to the fact that i AM getting frustrated and disappointed and i'm starting to get paranoid like shit.

me thinks it even irks him that i feel that way. oh well. fudgit.

i don't care anymore. i DON'T.


*******
you can kiss my pretty pretty tushie.
close the door when you get out.
just don't let it hit you.

relatively new band alert!

watch out for up and coming band, CALLALILY.

they played at the UST gig last night and they farkin' kicked ass. uste people could attest to that. especially them guuuurls. vocalist kean just made alot of girls swoon and alot of guys die with envy. and to think they were unheard of. by me at least.

from what i heard they've been front-acting for bands such as 6cycle mind and sugarfree. album's coming up soon thanks to warner music. info came from ultimate-fan girl and band friend, jane, who just couldn't stop building 'em up to me.

they sang four songs all in all. all of which, were good. looking forward to seeing them play again.


*******
mayric's you say? sure.

one kick ass night. and then some...

it was crazy. i love it.

last night had been the fun-EST i've had for a long, long, looooong time. and i don't regret that i've braved friday-metro-rush-hour traffic for two and a half farkin' hours for that freakin' concert. it was worth it. ALL WORTH IT, I TELL YOU.

bands farkin' kicked ass. but the crowd kicked ass more. one thing's for sure though, uste people know how to party! woot woot!

and though the whole thing was bitin, no thanks to kill joy ust admin and the effin' epal guards, all the bands made sure it'll be a night everyone would remember. having sandwich,imago,6cyclemind,pedicab,sugarfree (im not sure if there were more) play one song together *sugarfree's hari ng sablay* was one phenomenal event im sure nobody could ever forget. yep, all of em. ebe (sugarfree), raymond (pedicab,sandwich), and ney (6 cycle mind) were on the mic, and the guitarists all playing *with aya of imago mocking them*, and the rest, were either just dancing around OR mocking the guards. and i think they enjoyed doing the latter more. you can definitely see that the bands wanted to play more. but as much as they wanted to, ust admin acted like nazis and if they could i know they could've committed genocide. oh well.

if you think the crowd enjoyed it, i cannot even describe how i felt. i was on the stage. i was ON THE FARKIN' STAGE! i was so close to the bands, it felt like i could smell the sweat from their crotches while they were playing. you think that's gross? hah. you can die of envy. all access pass, me lurves you. and i lurve gre more. not only did she invite me, she gave me that all access pass. it was actually a "marshall" id but then, that's what it basically does. hence, me on the stage, shaking my booty like there's no tomorrow.

rock stars? interesting people they are. prima donnas some of them, the others, you'll love like a fatboy loves cake. speaking of which, diego of pedicab, you can have my babies. anytime. he was prancing around on the stage like a nerd and i luuuuurve him for it. oh my gahd he was sooo cute it's not even funny. had my pic taken with him thanks to gre's trusty digicam. will post soon. fan girl you say? HELL YEAH. diego on my right, toncy on my left. what more could a girl ask? somebody harpoon me. in the head. NOW.

ahahaaaaaay. man, i dunno what im doing locked up in a cage. im definitely watching opm bands now. like seriously. i was so cooped up in my cave, i wasn't aware of all the fun i've been missing. im young, pretty, and very much available and i deserve to have fun. who knows, i might just snag one of em pretty, pretty rockstars. yeheeeesssss. i wish.


*******
dito tayo sa dilim...

looking at it with my blind eye.

i am not sure what i'm doing but i sure know what i like. it may be a far-fetched idea but it's making me happy and i don't care anymore.

3. not really a good number but hey, it's something.

let's see how long this'll last.


*******
mish mish mish

this is just much too funny not to post.

me: kamusta naman si camille?
friend: awooo!
me: huh?!
friend: panalo, pare. panalo!
me: kadiri pala ah. boys. pfft.
me: oh yeah, after the camille ish, si juday naman daw.
friend: wala na. cosmo na lang bibilhin ko. syet.
me: ahahaha. if i remember it right, you didn't approve of camille either. but look at you now. what do you have against. juday anyway?
friend: inagaw nya sa akin si ryan. landi.

ahahahahahahahaha! FYI: friend is a GUY.


*******
FHM, look at what you do to my friends.
THANK YOU. hahahah.