stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

who fell in front of so many people today?

*looks around. hesitates for a bit. raises hand.*

I DID!

boohoo! i fell. nobody pushed me. hindi man lang ako natapilok. nothing was in my way. i was just walking. i was even wearing flats. flipflops. then suddenly.... WHAM! BAM! my knees hit the cement.

i picked myself up. brushed off the dirt. walked away like nothing's happened. i did NOT dare look back.


*******
so sinong lampa???

of apples and shrimps

so after a few days, my "lovelife" shifted from ALMOST thriving to virtually NON-EXISTENT. and for somebody who's as jaded and had been under "kilig/sparks/mush-moments drought" for the past four years, that's.... well.... something.

i dunno if i just brought it upon myself or if there really was a reason to think i was in luuuurve. it's weird. (then again, i've ALWAYS been weird.) but you guys know how i am. and for those of you who don't.... I ASSUME. all the time. and that, ladies and gentlemen, what gets me in a lot of trouble. A WHOLE HELL LOT OF TROUBLE. that, and add a crap load of paranoia = emotional suicide.

i'm a masochist, ain't i? you know what's more weird, i think i'm actually enjoying it. this time anyway.

so i haven't heard from him for like 2 days. i shouldn't assume. but i can't help it. he doesn't like me. not kindov. not sorta. not a lil. NOT AT ALL.



*******
still not making any sense
HE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

dementia

YOU again?

haven't i told YOU to go away, leave me be, and find somebody else to bother? haven't i told YOU i haven't the time to talk cos i've got better things to do? haven't i tried to put my sorry tush some place i know you wouldn't dare go cos i don't want to have the burden of seeing YOU and feel guilty all over again? haven't i tried to hide whenever i see YOU coming and make all these lame excuses so that i wouldn't hafta talk with YOU? gawd! couldn't you get a clue?!

i hate the way you go around like nothing's happened. i hate the way YOU treat me so nicely like i've never done anything that had hurt YOU. i hate the way YOU still look at me, the same way YOU did eons ago. i hate the way YOU make fun of me and my being uber gullible. i hate the way i ALWAYS fall for everything YOU say even if it's dead obvious that YOU'RE just making fun of me. i hate the way YOU make me laugh even at the corniest of jokes. i hate YOU for making me LAUGH. i hate the way YOU make me stop whatever it is im doing to listen to YOU everytime YOU start singing. i hate it when YOU make me sing cos we both know that between the two of us, YOU'RE the better singer. i hate YOU for not calling back when YOU said you would. i hate it when YOU don't call at all. i hate it that YOU don't even send me an sms. i hate it when YOU break promises. i hate it when YOU make up for those broken promises. i hate that YOU never turn me down whenever i ask YOU a favor. i hate YOU for taking my hand and taking the "danger" side cos YOU know i know zilch about crossing the street. i hate YOU for walking with me to the jeepney stop and wait til i get on a cab even if you're dead-tired, not to mention the fact that everytime you do this, you hafta walk for an extra 10 minutes cos your house is nearer to the univ than the jeepney stop. i hate YOU for carrying my things for me eventhough they weigh a TON and not to mention that they're color pink. i hate YOU for not caring that YOUR dormie saw you carrying my stuff. i hate YOU for not getting bothered when YOUR dormie told YOU that he thought that YOUR favorite color was pink because of that. i hate that YOU didn't care if i scribbled and doodled all over your notebook, not leaving any space for you to write on. i hate YOU for letting me do the stuff you'd normally find irritating like tickling you and jumping on the couch whenever you're on it and stuff like that. i hate YOU for making me feel real special when all of the world thinks im NOT.

i hate YOUR cute smile. i hate YOUR charming lil dimples. i hate YOUR being clueless all the time. i hate YOUR being funny even if YOU'RE trying real hard not to be. and most of all, I HATE YOU.




*******
who am i kidding?